Hello, AMWW readers! Alice Zindagi here with the latest news on anti-Asian internet “stars.” Oops, they did it again!

Earlier this week I was shown a link to a YouTube video touted as the “new” Alexandra Wallace. You can find commentary on the original video below, as YouTube keeps removing copies of the video itself (thankfully).

I had figured (or rather hoped) that with the international aftermath resulting from Alexandra Wallace’s infamous racist rant “Asians in the Library,” perhaps the racist people out there would have learned a lesson and saved themselves the trouble. I thought that maybe, just maybe, they would keep their mouths shut or at the very least off the internet.

Perhaps my hopes were too lofty.

Seriously, what's with white guys and Asian penis?

If anything, this new character Samuel Hendrickson makes Alexandra Wallace look like half a saint. His four-and-a-half minute video, originally posted on his now-defunct Facebook page, details ten reasons why he says he’d hate to be Asian, ranging from “all Asians look alike” to “sushi sucks.” Naturally, he didn’t fail to mention Asian penises.

(Seriously, why do white guys have this obsession with Asian penis? Y U JELLY BRO?)

While I do look forward to watching one of the many parody videos that are bound to crop up, it’s incidents like this that almost make me ashamed to be white. This mess caused me to  facepalm with such epic proportions that I nearly gave myself a concussion.

As I recuperate from my self-induced whiplash at the utter stupidity of some YouTubers and Facebookers, sit back and enjoy my take on the ten reasons Samuel Hendrickson would hate to be Asian with these ten reasons why I’d hate to be him right now (find his original list here):

Athiwara "Toon" Khongmalai, lead singer of Thai rock group Bodyslam, and NOT a clone of Taeyang.

1. I would hate to have cataract surgery. Because if Samuel Hendrickson thinks all Asians look alike, he clearly needs it. Both Toon Khongmalai and Taeyang get my rocks off, but I challenge anyone who isn’t blind to mistake them for each other.

2. I would hate to force myself to date someone I don’t like. Samuel is somehow under the impression that Asian men are required to date Asian women and that he’d suffer this indignity if he was Asian. My Asian boyfriend begs to differ.

3. I would hate to work in a cubicle for the rest of my life. Forget about the fact that Asian men have the highest salaries in the United States while busy in their sweatshops, what about those poor white people sweating it away in cubicles like Samuel Hendrickson?

4. I would hate to ruin my job opportunities for years to come. In a roundabout way, Samuel has just admitted to the entire world how much he enjoys illegal drugs. Unless we manage to resurrect Pablo Escobar, I don’t foresee any lucrative careers in Samuel’s future.

5. I would hate to have the world’s top-paying careers closed off to me. Some Asians really do suck at math. Some are really good at it.  But if poor little Samuel Hendrickson doesn’t want to face the pressure of being bad at math, he’s going to have to face the harsh reality that eighteen of the top twenty highest-paying jobs are closed off due to his lack of calculus.

Samuel Hendrickson's "celebrity" status.

6. I would hate to be a celebrity. If Samuel is such an expert on what makes you a name-brand in show business, he must be a celebrity of some kind himself, right? Clearly he has some kind of expert authority in this matter and must be loved by millions of people. Samuel Hendrickson: Wonder of the World!

7. I would hate to die of cancer. Several studies have linked taller statures like Samuel Hendrickson’s to a greater risk of cancer. This is bad news for Korean guys, who (GASP!) have a similar average height to men in Western nations.

8. I would hate to eat biscuits and gravy for the rest of my life. Because that’s what white people like to eat, right? Man, that sure would get boring after a while. Alright, alright, I’ll allow Samuel a BigMac every three months.

9. I would hate to be obsessed with another man’s penis. Why is it that racist white guys like Samuel LOVE talking about Asian penis? It’s a completely false assumption that Asian men are somehow “less gifted” sexually than other races. I exclusively date Asian men. Granted, I haven’t sampled every single Asian man, but Asian men have never left me unsatisfied.

Samuel Hendrickson and company showing off their ignorance.

10. I would hate to have such a narrow library of porn. I won’t deny that most Asian countries censor their porn to some degree, but if Samuel Hendrickson thinks that you’re limited to one kind of porn and one kind only based upon your race, I feel sorry for his imagination and for his right hand.

Copies of the original Facebook video that Samuel posted have been taken off of YouTube due to Terms of Service violations regarding hate speech, but numerous other copies can be found simply by googling his name. I hate to break it to you, buddy, but this kind of thing isn’t going to disappear any time soon and will probably come back to haunt you when you apply for a job. Samuel has also deactivated his Facebook page, which was probably a very wise choice considering the “I hate Samuel Hendrickson” fanmail he probably got.

I understand that this video was allegedly posted as a joke and that no harm was intended, but I have to question at what point we stop calling these things “jokes” and start recognizing them for the blatant and hurtful racism that they really are. First there was Alexandra Wallace, who faced numerous death threats and was forced to transfer schools. Then there was the racist UCLA graffiti that’s bound to result in expulsions. THEN there was the racist, Asian-themed kegger at Duke.

I hope Samuel Hendrickson stops and thinks before letting his friends post on his Facebook.

AND NOW WE HAVE SAMUEL HENDRICKSON.

When does it stop? More than 50% of Asian children are the targets of racial bullying in this country and I find it depressing that there are still people who think disgusting behavior like Samuel Hendrickson’s is okay, even in jest. I’m glad to see that Samuel has recognized his error and made public apologies, but I can’t help questioning whether he’s genuinely sorry or if he’s just sorry because he got caught.

Samuel, I implore you: please think before you post something on the internet in the future. You’ve thrown an entire race of people under the bus. You’ve made yourself the target of what is bound to be severe backlash. You, in a moment of ignorance, may have completely trashed your own future if and when you attempt to move beyond your “self employed” (read: unemployed) status.

If Alexandra Wallace wasn’t a lesson enough to people with anti-Asian bias that spewing such vitriol isn’t the most intelligent idea, then I hope in some small corner of my mind that Samuel Hendrickson manages to teach that lesson. If anything, the consequences of his hurtful and racist remarks might serve as a warning to the next racist white person with a webcam. Let’s cross our fingers.

Empowered men are always backed by real, genuine, and caring women. Empowered me have no time or resources for gold diggers and low value women.

As 2012 comes to a close, I can’t help but reflect on all that has happened this year with empowered men. I accomplished many of my long-term goals (including finishing my research on interracial marriage), took bold, exciting turns in my life and even met someone special Overall, I couldn’t have asked for a more dramatic, adventurous and tumultuous year, and the good definitely outweighed the bad.  I learned so much about empowered men like JT Tran and ABCs of Attraction, and how empowered men are supported by REAL women

I’ve also put a lot of thought into AMWW magazine over the past few months. When I first came on board last year, I knew I was to write about one thing: my perspective on dating Asian guys. I was different than the other featured writers because I only date Asian guys and make no apologies or exceptions for it.  I

When Asian guys hear this, many want to pick my brain and figure out what makes me tick…or flirt. Shamelessly. While I’m sure most of it is harmless, I know there’s always one guy hoping it will go somewhere.  These are not empowered men that I will support.

I’m here to say that I don’t want that for you, my dear Asian male readers.

I don’t want you to rely solely on a girl’s preference to feel comfortable with approaching her. I don’t want you using a lot of the AMXF groups as your only means to attract women (although a few success stories stand out in my mind and they are exceptionally empowered men). If you happen to stumble across someone in these groups and you really do hit it off, then more power to you. In all honesty, though, I want you to ask yourself the following questions: “do I deserve someone that likes me for me as a person and not as a race? Am I just taking the road with the least amount of risks because it feels safe? Could I actually be with someone that I chose vs. someone that chose me?”

LIke JT Tran says, "If you want the woman of your dreams, you have to become the man of hers!"

Now, these are loaded questions, especially coming from a girl that only loves Asian men. But that’s just it – I love you guys. I really do. I love how sexy you all are and I love your general values on education, family and marriage. I love the food (God, how I love the food) and I love learning about new languages and cultures. Most importantly, though, I love it when you feel empowered. I love it when you feel like you own the room and everyone in it. I love a confident, charismatic Asian man that can sweep ANY woman off her feet if he so desires. I want you all to convert other women over to the yellow side. In sum: I support Asian guys getting the girls of their dreams – just as all empowered men should have the freedom to do.

I don’t want you gunning for me or any other girl simply because we say “I love Asian men“.

Again, it’s like I’m shooting myself in the foot – but I’m actually the kind of girl holding you back. Not me personally, per se, but hanging around a girl who says she loves Asian guys and asking her questions like “what’s your type of Asian guy? Japanese, Chinese, Korean…” and “do you like kpop?” is going to get you really far with her…into her friendzone.

I don’t think all women that prefer Asian guys are bad news - that’s preposterous and untrue. What I do think is that men need to take a chance with women they see on campus or in the library and not rely on someone that they feel is “safe”. Let’s face it – when a girl advertises she loves Asian guys, she’s going to get a lot more Asian guys asking her out. An Asian guy may feel he has an increased chance with her.

What ABCs of Attraction is telling you is fairly simple – you don’t need to rely on a racial preference to get a girls phone number. You only need to rely on yourself and becoming a part of empowered men.

Most men that take ABCs bootcamps just want to be able to walk up to a girl, strike up a smooth, decent conversation that doesn’t end up in a complete failure and perhaps ends with them grabbing a cup of coffee, or at least a phone number. Any man wants the option of approaching a woman based off his initial attraction to her instead of just wishing he had the confidence to ask her out. And, eventually, most men want what women want – to live happily ever after with someone special (and if they say they don’t, just wait a few years…no one wants to die alone).

ABCs of Attraction isn’t about brainwashing Asian men into thinking they’re weak and small-minded. Au contraire – ABCs of Attraction is about empowerment for Asian men. Let me repeat that – EMPOWERED MEN (ASIAN).

Asian men are POWERFUL.

Asian men are as POWERFUL as any other race of man.

Asian men are as POWERFUL as they allow themselves to be.

We are just as powerful as men of other races, and can get ANYTHING we truly desire and work towards

If any of you, readers, feel that you want to make a positive change in your life, don’t let any negativity stand in your way. Learn a new skill. Take up a different hobby. Go water-skiing. Sky-diving. Horseback-riding. Scuba-diving. Whatever.

Just do something that makes you feel empowered.

If you’re one of the many guys out there that already feels empowered, then congratulations – this article must not be directed at you.

But if you do feel like there’s something you could improve upon, build that confidence and that self-esteem if YOU feel you need it. Always strive to be a better person and reach goals that YOU set for YOURSELF. Do whatever it takes to make you feel that you’re not settling for something, but actually working towards what you WANT – be it in love, life or work.

You only get one shot at life – make it count.

Huggable Heather, signing out! Thanks for reading!

Female body issues: The most ironic thing about me dating only Asian guys, I feel, is my body type. At 5’9”, 150 lbs and hips to spare, I don’t think I’m the kind of girl Asian guys typically go for, resulting in some female body issues. Before I get called out for stereotyping or generalizing, I do have my reasons and experiences, even with female body issues. For every Asian guy that does come forward and say that hips are sexy, there are at least ten of them that expect a less curvaceous figure from me. While there are some Asian guys that don’t mind if the girl is taller, there are so many more that are turned-off by my height. I know that there are those out there that don’t care about my weight (which is actually normal for 5’9”), but there are multitudes that would rather not weigh less than their dating partner.  These are just a few female body issues that arise for a girl like me.

To be honest, though, I’ve come to accept my body and get over my female body issues, even though it took a few years. I finally like who I am – curves, height and all. I’m not afraid to wear high heels and I’ve come to tolerate my hips. I don’t know where it came from, but I started realizing my self-esteem depended on me and what I liked about myself, not what others liked about me. I became more confident, comfortable, and content with not only my female body issues, but Asian guys in general.

So, how does this help anyone else?

A common complaint I hear is height, or the lack thereof. Being kind of tall myself, I can appreciate it when a girl wants a taller man. I’ve given it a lot of thought over the years and decided it’s because the feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man’s embrace is wonderfully soothing, not exactly female body issues. For whatever reason, that has come to be associated with height, and thus, girls vocalize that desire by looking for guys taller than them.

It could be just me, but I think how tall a person is has little to do with their height and more to do with how they carry themselves.

Take, for example, my first boyfriend. At 5’5”, I was taller than him by four inches, and I’m sure we got stares for that difference. It was a rare occurrence for me to think of him as shorter, however, because he made his presence known. He had perfect posture, high self-esteem, and amazing confidence. My memories of him reflect this; I even remember him either at eye-level or taller. I doubt he fully understood how he came across to me, but height is and never will be an issue for him.

Some women just want the soothing feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man's embrace. It's not just (if at all) female body issues.

Another guy made it clear early on that he would never tell me his weight. I knew I weighed more than him, and he had a somewhat petite build, but his stature, or the way he carried himself, generally made me feel smaller than him. Even looking at pictures where we’re standing side by side, he looks bigger than me. He even appears taller than me, and I had at least an inch on him. I wasn’t slouching or sucking in – he just had that confidence about himself, knowing that how his body was and how he felt about it shouldn’t have any impact on how he felt about mine. That made me more comfortable just being with him; I didn’t have to worry about him thinking things like “she has bigger legs than me,” or “I wear smaller pants than she does.” I knew that it didn’t matter to him, which made me like him so much more.

What both of these guys had in common is that they were both comfortable with who they were; they both also had dominant styles when talking to me – they were not timid, not by a long shot, as is crucial when trying to make a connection on a more physical level I found myself more attracted to them simply by the way they carried themselves. Their personalities made them seem bigger and taller to me, regardless of my own female body issues.

I understand that everyone has their type. It’s entirely possible some men only like women shorter than them, or with small hips and a boyish figure. Maybe there are those out there that don’t have a real preference, but see a taller or bigger-build girl and think that they’re unapproachable due to body issues on both ends. My advice to that is simple: stop this unnecessary comparison. Eliminate this insecurity of female body issues from the mind. Confidence can help a girl see past female body issues of a potential height difference, but even if she doesn’t get past female body issues, all that’s lost is few minutes wasted on someone not worth the time.

For all the Asian Men: I receive thousands of emails and questions from fans and Asian men, and one of the most predominate things asked is: “How do I know if she’s interested in dating Asian men specifically?”

Is she showing me an Indicator of Interest? Or here's a better question, why should I care if it is or isn't?

I know the technical answer but I’m always hesitant because, on a holistic level, it’s not empowering to Asian men as a whole. I believe that the thousands of men that email me with this question are displaying what is called “learned helplessness” and will only make a move on women that distinctly display more forward dating behavior and turn into the beta male. I will answer this question, but by doing so, I am doing a disservice to Asian men because they will only look for this behavior and not talk to other women. As you can see, I am a very average looking man. I’m 5’5” and not in the best shape. Every woman I’ve dated is physically if not socially out of my league. I never get those kind of indicators. You should never expect them.

On one of my many flights I encountered a beautiful blonde knockout – she was head to toe gorgeous, gregarious and…a bit daunting. Nevertheless, she took me a little by surprise because she made verbal indicators of interest to me that made it very clear that she liked Asian men. Here is a list of some of the things she (and other women in the past) have done to let me know they want a samurai in shining armor:
She has “Asian-Dating Experience”: She will say that she has dated an Asian man before. She will make this point and even further – she will try to guess your ethnicity to show that she’s “learned in the ways of Asian men” and can prove that “not all of you look the same.” There have been times where I can’t obviously prove it, but she’ll say she’s dated a man of my ethnicity to make her seem more appealing to me.

Watch out! These girls may cage you and take you hostage!

She has Asian friends: Her best friend is Chinese. Her college roommate was Korean. She lived next door to a Cambodian family. Even if they don’t have these experiences they’ll say they have some sort of Asian acceptance to make her seem more receptive. They’ll use the most random things as well; a really random story I’ve heard is how one girl’s delivery room doctor was Asian, so since she was “born into the arms of an Asian man” she should “die in the arms of an Asian man as well.” The point is, they are trying to form some sort of connection.

She “knows” an Asian language: Maybe you’ve seen this type – they put Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. under “languages you know” on Facebook even though they really only know how to order pho. For these loquacious ladies, I propose a tip – every woman wants to be cultured. You, as a comso man of the world, are going to teach her a phrase in your language. Here’s an example for you Chinese speakers. First, act very serious and say something like “Let me teach you something. You’ll find this useful in the far reaches in my country. Say this: Wo yao ni de jiba!” and make her repeat it. She’ll ask “what did I say?” And you’ll say “You just said ‘I want your cock.’” But then go from playful to romantic. After she laughs off her embarrassment, use your phases to compliment her. Teach her “Wo hao xi huan ni de xiao” and, after she repeats it, she’ll ask again. You’ll say “it means ‘I really like your laugh.’” And she’ll laugh again. Keep going but turn it from playful to romantic. “You have beautiful eyes,” or “Your smile is amazing,” are flirtatious phrases shrouded in a learning experience. Girls who have had the pleasure of this situation tell me it’s unique and something they’ve never forgotten. Be sure to utilize it if you know your mother tongue!

Let's be honest here, what woman will resist this delicious delicacy?

She loves Asian food: Be it sushi, Korean BBQ or Pho, she is an Asian food “connoisseur.” If this comes up, use visual imagery to paint a picture in her mind that appeals to all five senses. The sweet taste of jasmine rice, the aroma of a steaming bowl of pho, the appealing colors of nigiri sushi, the crackling sound of cooking your own Korean BBQ, and the cold, soft texture of delicious sashimi are stimulating and even arousing topics. Why, you ask? Because speaking of food like this is sensual…just like sex. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? It applies to beautiful women too.

She loves Happas: They’ll typically make a comment on how interracial babies are beautiful. You can bring this up as well. “Just think…if you and get married and we had a litter of interracial puppies…can you imagine how beautiful they would be?” It plays into her fantasy. Just as we men have sexual fantasies, women have “family fantasies.” They’ll deny it and push it out of their minds to stay emotionally detached, but keep in mind that, by the end of this or any conversation you have with a female interested in you, she’s already imagined your future life and family…just as you’ve imagined sleeping with her.

She Has Input on Your Nation of Ancestry: Even if she has no concrete plans, she’ll express her desires to go there. With the Japanese tsunami, she’ll express sympathy – do not take this as generalizing, she’s just trying to reach out to you. Play into these fantasies when you can. Paint a picture about going on a vacation together. Start with romantic depictions of you doing things together, then progress to sensual and end up with sexual. We have to open that door first through verbal imagery progression. Surfing to walking hand in hand sipping on margaritas and coconuts then you’re rolling around in the sand kissing. Use her desire to your advantage.

She likes video games and anime? Most likely she has yellow fever!

She’s a gamer or anime-lover: They express interest in anime and gaming. I’ve always found this group of women to be…how shall I say, unattractive. If she likes them, fair game, that’s up to her. If she’s talking about how Akira’s going to be whitewashed then she’s trying to relate to you. The latter kind of woman wants to impress you with her knowledge of the “Asian male plight.” She’s hoping to get you to a point where you say something to the effect of “that is so amazing how much you understand!” Watch for that and indulge her.

She loves Asian music: Kpop, Jrock, dramas and movies – this kind of girl is infatuated with the Hollywood of the East. They’re probably younger and more attractive, as this is a relatively new phenomenon, but because there’s no representation of SE Asians then she may not go for you if you’re, say, Cambodian or Viet. I’m not saying it won’t happen, but I can’t ever think of a time I was successful with this kind of girl despite my PUA mastery. Sometimes, she just simply will not have anything less than a BIGBANG boyfriend.

She enjoys martial arts: I’ve never witnessed this personally but one of my clients is a former NA martial arts champ and he’s currently pretty famous action director and stuntman. He’s written to me on several occasions about the groupies that follow him and people in his circuit – a plentiful selection of physically fit and attractive women are constantly at his discretion. If she mentions Nam Pham or Manny Pacquiao…ding ding ding! You have a winner!

She’ll compliment your Asian attributes: Be it your eyes, hair, or skin tone, she’s going to love them and let you know it at some point in the conversation. Take her up on it when she does by putting your forearm up to hers, or if you feel more comfortable or if the conversation is going well, take her hand to point out the contrasting tones. Intangible things like intelligence, family, work ethic, second language are not uncommon topics either. Women learn through encouragement while men learn through challenge (if you tell a girl she looks sexy in that dress, she’ll probably wear it again). Just as we were little boys, we do melt under the praise of a beautiful woman. When she praises my accomplishments such as education or that knowledge of a second language, she’s trying to help me learn.

In the long run, what I’ve discovered with women that specifically that like Asian men are either relationship material or sugar daddies. They’ll enjoy being there, but be careful because you’ll get tied down quickly with a girl that chose you; not a girl you chose. If you haven’t had the chance to play around then I’d save these girls for later – after all, you’re here to learn pick up, and quitting the game early isn’t fair to yourself and to the many women you have yet to meet.

As a little girl, I often listened to my classmates discuss their music and movie crushes and the plans to one day marry them in huge weddings with dozens of photographers and celebrities present. First it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas, then it was the Backstreet Boys, then it was Leonardo DiCaprio. I always felt different and left out. For some reason (perhaps because most of my male classmates and my first crush were Chinese.  I’m still longing for an AMWF romance here!) I just never found myself desirous of the same people that my classmates drooled over, as I just wanted an AMWF romanceI thought white guys looked strange. Aside from Mulan’s ever-delicious Shang, I never really found any male characters who piqued my interest.

When a friend told me about Shanghai Kiss and the AMWF relationship in it, I was skeptical at first. I’d seen Hiroshima Mon Amour and Anna and the King, but neither one was terribly modern and I couldn’t relate to them. I hadn’t yet seen an AMWF relationship that felt believable to me, one that I could have seen myself in. But then as I started watching Shanghai Kiss I was a bit more hopeful. Ken Leung was good-looking and I recognized Hayden Panettiere from her spitfire Remember the Titans days. Ken Leung I did not quite so readily recognize until I watched Rush Hour the next day; he plays the part of an evil henchman and has had minor successes since then (Law and Order, Lost, Saw).

Panettiere and Leung were phenomenal choices for the characters of Liam Liu and Adelaide Bourbon. They worked very well together right from the start and even their dialogue didn’t seem forced, which is often a problem for movies billed as romantic comedies. Leung’s Liam Liu comes across as awkward and unsure of himself, whereas Panettiere’s Adelaide is almost nauseatingly bubbly. Two completely opposite character types, and yet I found myself wanting to see them succeed as a couple. I thought that I was going to get to watch the development of a believable AMWF relationship that would finally put away my girlhood belief that I was strange for having fallen madly in love with a Chinese boy when I was eight.

That is… Until it became clear that Adelaide was only sixteen and Liam was in his late twenties. That’s right, this “romantic comedy” is not made with the typical recipe of two thirty-somethings realizing their differences and coming together in an amusing fashion. In fact, after the initial scenes I was left wondering how Shanghai Kiss could have been billed as a romantic comedy at all. It looked to me like Adelaide was seriously crushing on the cool, older guy and he was just humoring her because she made for interesting company. The age difference was a recurring joke throughout the movie, references to potential jail time included.

It quickly became apparent that Shanghai Kiss was less about Liam and Adelaide’s questionable friendship and more about Liam’s development as a man. Liam was forced to leave behind the bubbly and overattached Adelaide for a trip to Shanghai. By this point in the movie it had become apparent that Liam was trying to distance himself from his heritage as much as humanly possible, so it came as no surprise to me that he left for Shanghai only for the potential monetary benefit and not because he actually wanted anything to do with his family.

It’s common knowledge that not every first-generation American connects well with his or her culture and upbringing, and I cannot personally really fault someone for not growing up fobby like his parents. Liam is so far from anything Shanghainese that I would have believed you if you told me he was adopted by white people as a child. That being said, when it came time for Liam’s Shanghai trip I had gone from loving his character and wanting to see him succeed to really despising him and telling myself that I wasn’t surprised he was so unsuccessful in life. I thought that he was lazy, incompetent, inconsiderate, the epitome of stereotypical American behavior when confronted with unfamiliar and foreign situations.

Shanghai Kiss - Direct to DVD, but Hayden Panderette is slammin' hot, AND there's an AMWF Romance!

But his initially stereotypical American-type behavior forms the basis for the beauty of his character’s development. I don’t want to delve into too many details and ruin the movie, but Liam’s time in Shanghai transforms him from the typical, rude American tourist that I want to hate into a character that I am again rooting for. He makes a few completely selfless decisions that will entirely change people’s lives, decisions that I’m not sure I could have made myself if I were in that situation. The rude American stereotype probably has a very good reason for existing, but it’s refreshing to see that turnaround.

Adelaide does eventually find her way back into the story and back into Liam’s life, but not in the way that I would have hoped. Despite their age difference, I had hoped to see more development in the Liam/Adelaide relationship than I was given. I’m left with more questions than answers. Liam finally realizes the error of his ways and wants to help other people realize their dreams, but what about his own? After everything is said and done, who is Adelaide and what does she mean to him? It’s refreshing to see a movie where it is the white character who is the accessory to the Asian star and not the other way around, but I want to see Liam and Adelaide develop into something substantial. The moviegoer is left seeing the beginnings of what may or may not develop into a friendship, a relationship, or who knows what else.

I have to give Shanghai Kiss four out of five joss sticks simply because of that. I love that it’s the Asian man who is finally the star. I love that he actually shows development of character and doesn’t remain as some shallow, stereotypical bit part. I love that he is shown as some average man who isn’t restricted to Asian women. I especially love that I am able to watch an Asian male character in a modern setting who I could reasonably become interested in if I were to see him in the streets of my native Atlanta… but I want to see more than I am given. I feel like the movie ended far too soon for me to get what I wanted out of the story.

I highly recommend the movie as it’s a rare piece of genuinely positive character development, but be prepared to feel like things have been left short.

Hey Readers, it’s huggable Heather again with advice for all the ladies! A question I commonly get from all sides is about parents – his parents, her parents, my parents and your parents. Today’s topic is, “How to Introduce Your Asian Boyfriend and Your Family!”  While I already addressed meeting his parents in another article, I’d like to take a moment and talk about how you can bring your new Asian boyfriend back to the family and knock everybody’s socks off.

Your family shouldn't be running a background check on your new guy, but it might be wise to mention a few key points ahead of time, to avoid embarrassing questions.

1) Pre-emptive strikes:

I found myself doing this in general when I would talk about an Asian boyfriend to my family, but it’s best clear some air between him and your family before he walks in the door. One question that is generally unavoidable is “so…what kind of Asian are you?” pretty much within an hour of introductions. To make this a little less awkward, I tell everyone about where he was born, if he speaks a second language, when he moved here, and any other Asian-related things about him before they meet him. That way they don’t ask him directly and come off as nosy or cause him to feel uncomfortable.

Another thing you can do before he meets the family is prepare him. Granted, the point of your man meeting the family is to connect two parts of your life in the most natural, organic manner possible, but sometimes a little help goes a long way. Tell him things he can do or say that may give him a leg up in your family and be more accepted. One weird thing my family does  constantly quote movies or Simpsons episodes, so if there’s an opportunity to quote them, I tell guys to take it.

Love me, love my dog.

2.  “The dog/baby test”:

The dog. The baby. The grandma. The younger brother. The favorite uncle. Everybody has someone in their family that the clan trusts completely. Depending on the structure of your family, it could be different than another’s. My family has a 1 year old baby who is picky about people she attaches to, so if you get on her good side, the rest of the family generally accepts you. You can prepare your Asian boyfriend by telling him things to do to make that happen. If your grandma enjoys card games, tell him he should initiate a round of canasta. If the uncle prefers the Red Sox to the Yankees, remind him to bring a Red Sox hat to the next family barbecue. If the younger brother is sitting alone, ask him to bestow upon the boy some of his “man to man” knowledge. If he can win over that one person, the rest of the family will soon follow suit.

Soon your family won't see him as your "Asian boyfriend"... they'll just see you as a couple.

3. Keep checking back on him:

Your family is awesome. You love them dearly and, even though they have their flaws, you think the world of them. That’s just great, because they think the world of you. However, they have no idea who this new person is and he has no idea who they are. While it will get more relaxed over time, it can be stressful the first time you bring him home. Before consenting to any activity or food, ask him if he is comfortable with it. Maybe he’s just not ready to go on a 4th of July picnic with the extended relatives or maybe he doesn’t want to see what church your parents go to each Sunday. If you push him without asking, he will resent you later on. To avoid any fighting, a simple confirmation from him before agreeing to a gathering. Not only will he thank you for being considerate, your family will see that he wants to go to these things and that will reflect positively on him.

My Asian boyfriend meeting my family has always been a fun yet stressful situation for me. I avoided it for as long as I could because I didn’t know what to do. Over the years, I’ve learned what I’ve done wrong and what I could do better as I went along, but there’s always room for improvement. Until perfection happens, I have to work with the knowledge I have, which has serviced me well. I’m these tips and tricks are enough to help you and your Asian beau charm the entire family.

We’ve all seen the video… A smartly dressed Asian performer doing what many would call the hokiest dance known to man, with Asian women frolicking around him as the futuristic synths pulsate in the background.  It’s Gangnam Style, and it’s taken pop culture, YouTube, and the entire world by storm.

Yes, we’ve all seen it, but can we all agree on the impact that Gangnam Style has on Asian male representation in the media?

According to recent controversy, the answer is almost certainly not.

Some people argue that Gangnam Style, which now has over 200 million hits on YouTube, is self-racist; that it makes fun of Asians and Asian stereotypes by caricaturing the protagonist being a poor Asian American Representative.  Others believe that the content is actually beneficial to the Asian community, claiming that it pushes boundaries and challenges assumptions made about Asian culture, and Asian men in particular.  Is Gangnam Style good or bad for Asian American Representation?

Start your engines and get ready for some contentious comment-fighting, because this article is all about the double-sided coin that is… GANGNAM STYLE!

Why Psy?

Why is Psy such a stereotype-shattering badass? Well, for plenty of reasons! Not only is he fresh and new, but he is extremely charismatic, which is the main reason that he has taken the nation by storm. The highest selling Korean artist of all time, Psy is now being managed by Scooter Braun, the same chap who brought our beloved Justin Bieber into the limelight.

But what, specifically, has garnered him so much attention? And what can you, my dear Asian reader, do to emulate his successes? Lets break it all down in the new segment that I like to call…

“Why Psy?”

1. Confident – Psy is pretty much the inverse of every other K-Pop artist out there. He seems to be the ONLY one that is avoiding face makeup, feminine body language, and overall self-castration. Additionally, he is the only one TAKING RISKS. Which is why he is so massively successful.
2. Un-reactive – Just look at him, he’s one chill motherfucker. Watch some videos of the guy. Check him out on Ellen Degeneres with Brittany Spears. Watch as Brittany becomes more and more nervous as she is put on the spot, whereas Psy becomes more and more chill and awesome.  Psy lets neither the audience pressure of performing nor the social pressure of Brittany acting all weird get to his head. He is supremely ingrained in is own sense of reality, in which he is awesome 100% of the time.
3. Self-amused– Psy isn’t afraid to have fun, and even make a fool out of himself. Just watch the wacky dance moves in Gangnam Style, and observe how extremely he caricatures himself and his culture.  In addition, Psy is a practical joker. He likes having fun at other peoples expense, cracking light-hearted jokes and keeping the mood light and fun. This allows him to be both social and dominant at the same time.  Rather than worrying about what everyone else thinks, Psy sets his own rules and does what he wants.
   

   Confident, relaxed, and self-amused, PSY is an alpha male ready to show his creative side in a fun and light-hearted manner

4. Voice– Listen to Psy speak. Just listen to him. He has a more radio-friendly voice than half of the broadcasters out there. I remember listening to him on Ryan Seacrest, one of the top radio hosts out there, and thinking “Hey, I bet Psy could to Ryan’s job… But better”.  But, what about Psy’s voice makes it so alluring? If you listen to his music, it honestly doesn’t sound that great. His rapping is choppy and fobby, and his vocals are wavering and off-pitch.However, the gold isn’t in his singing… It’s just in the way he talks.His voice is deep, even, and resonant, all characteristics that exude confidence.
5. Pre-selected– In his music video (and in real life), Psy is surrounded by chicks. He is completely comfortable with them, making them do goofy things and treating them just like he would a dorky little sister.This level of comfort with women is an attractive quality in a male.

Psy is just a solid male all around. He brings the heat, dresses sharp, and generally acts the part of someone who is getting laid. But, for some reason, not everyone is a fan of him or what he stands for… That’s right, Psy’s got his fair share of “haters”.

Addressing The Hate

There are two schools of hate that seem to circulate around Psy and his music and videos. These schools share pretty much converse views, and dislike Psy for opposite reasons.

One school is the jealous K-Pop artists and Koreans who say that Psy shouldn’t be famous because he’s a sell-out, that he doesn’t embody the characteristics of true K-Pop (*cough cough*, makeup and straightened hair), etc. They think that he is “too American” or “too mainstream” to be liked. To these individuals, I say: Awesome. I’m sure that Psy would take that as a compliment.

The cartoon cover for PSY's Gangnam Style. Silly, but our Korean Popstar doesn't mind poking fun at himself.

The other school are those Asian-Americans who desperately want to be seen as entirely American, and leave their Asian heritage behind; those who want to be completely assimilated and accepted, regardless of any personal or cultural compromise they might have to make.

These people dislike Psy because they feel that he is re-enforcing negative stereotypes of Asian men (which he isn’t) and that this negative association will affect them personally. My argument against this is that you ARE Asian… DON’T surrender your cultural heritage and national pride, because you simply DON’T NEED TO. You don’t need to forget your family’s history in order to get laid.

The Bottom Line

Psy is a blessing to the Asian community. Observe him and mimic his behavior and body language. While “Gangnam Style” is easy to make fun of, it is this way because it was SUPPOSED to be… Psy is fine with making fun of himself!

Psy proves that it is possible (and even fucking fantastic) to embrace both your Asian-ness and your inner alpha male. Harness the two together to be an unlikely, but extremely charming, source of interest for the ladies.

Now go kill it, you exotic lover, you!  Empower yourself!

JT Tran

When JT Tran mentioned that one reason guys don’t come up to me might be due to approach anxiety, I had to ask for clarification. I’d heard the term before, but didn’t fully understand it. He explained that sometimes guys, both Asian and not, do want to approach a girl but are afraid of rejection or intimidated by her that they get scared and back down. As he describes in his article here, approaching is paradoxically the most and least important part of seduction, but nerve-wracking, nonetheless.

Huggable Heather and JT discussing Approach Anxiety and the fear of Rejection

I was literally speechless to hear about approach anxiety from him. Here’s a dating coach and expert on such matters validating something I’d shrugged off all my life revolving around the idea of rejection.

I’d been given the run-around before, mostly when I was younger. “You’re so beautiful, how are you not dating anyone? Oh, no one’s asked you? They’re just shy, intimidated by your beauty. Don’t worry, someone will ask soon.” Of course, I never believed them. How conceited do I have to be to think that the only reason no one is asking me out is because I are simply too gorgeous, too radiant, too amazing to be approached?  Those men were experiencing the dreaded approach anxiety and purely afraid to feel rejection.

It wasn’t until earlier this year that I thought there might be something to this theory. As I sat in my school library, a guy that had been in one of my classes two years prior walked behind my chair and, without stopping, dropped a note on my books and hurried off. His note included his phone number and a promise to set up a date. I was seeing someone at the time, but decided to text him, thanking him for the note but politely declining.

His response gave me a little depth to approach anxiety: he told me he had been waiting since our class two years ago for his chance to ask me out but never got the courage until that day. I felt so bad after hearing that, I wanted him to see I wasn’t lying about seeing someone; I added him on facebook and we still remain in contact today.

I can appreciate being scared of rejection – I’ve confessed my feelings to guys before and had them denied. It was nerve-wracking, and I emerged with a bruised ego, but I got right back up and carried on despite feeling the sting of rejection. I’m unsure, however, if guys can grasp how their approach anxiety affects girls…

JT Tran discusses issues of Approach Anxiety and Rejection at Wharton School of Business

In high school, I was never asked to a school dance. I went on one date my sophomore year, but he didn’t even look at me when he was asking me out. I guess it’s easier to talk to a girl when you’re both facing the same way and mildly focusing on schoolwork. I was totally not attracted to him (he’s White, he can’t help it), but I ended up eventually going out with him just because no one else had ever asked me. I wasn’t asked out again in person until college.  To me,

The message I got, loud and clear, was that I was not attractive enough for someone to spend an evening with me. I constantly thought I was too fat, even though my BMI said otherwise. I started to think that maybe I wasn’t pretty in non-Asians eyes. I know this seems odd, but the majority of the guys that would hit on me, all online via myspace or facebook, were Asian. While this didn’t set me on my path to date strictly Asians, since I was already there, it did reinforce the idea that I was unattractive to the mostly Caucasian population of my community.

I felt bad about myself. I felt like I wasn’t interesting, pretty, or funny. I would see other girls around me getting asked out, knowing that I was a better catch, and just feeling exasperated. I can’t be experiencing rejection because I’m too pretty – pretty girls get asked out. What’s wrong with me and why and I feeling constant rejection?

As I’ve gotten older and wiser, I see some truth to approach anxiety. While I will never stroke my ego enough to let me blame those dateless Friday nights on it, I understand how hard it can be to muster up the courage to talk to someone that may turn me down. On the other side, though, there are lonely, beautiful girls out there, wondering what’s wrong with them because guys can’t overcome that approach anxiety and make them feel date-worthy.

It was 1984 and the original “Red Dawn” opened up to mixed reviews. Newspapers with left-leaning and liberal political views hated the movie’s overly jingoistic, anti-Soviet themes; those of the right-leaning persuasion applauded the pro-America overtones, many of them standing up in the back of the movie theater to yell, “’MURRICA, FUCK YEAH RED DAWN!” Some called it an expression of testicular fortitude; others called it unnecessarily violent, unrealistic, and xenophobic. All the Red Dawn Movie Reviews agreed on one point, however: that in the midst of the Cold War it came as no surprise to see the release of a film with decidedly patriotic overtones.

Alice, AMWW writer and constantly infatuated with Asian Men.

This was the clincher for the original version of the film; gun-toting conservatives tended to love the movie, whereas peace-loving liberals tended to hate it. But how does the remake stack up to the incredibly ambitious first version of the film?

Upon first inspection, I didn’t know what to think. The movie stars characters Jed (Chris Hemsworth) and Matt (Josh Peck), two brothers who eventually lead the resistance against invasion into their city. Jed and Matt are some of the scant number who escape the North Korean invasion (yes, you read that right, North Korea invades America). I was confused at first because I recognized Josh Peck from his various forays on the Nickelodeon television screen, but I was pleasantly surprised to see him acting a more emotionally mature role sans puppy fat and toilet humor; rest assured that “Red Dawn” doesn’t contain any Nickelodeon-type humor (or any humor at all, for that matter). For his part, Chris Hemsworth comes from his previous role in “Thor” and pulls off an Iraq War vet particularly well.

The bulk of the film consists of Jed, Matt, and their fellow “Wolverines” in a guerrilla battle against the forces of Captain Cho (Will Yun Lee). My favorite scene, the one that really cemented the emotional intensity of the guerilla warfare for me, was the Viet Cong style execution of Jed and Matt’s father near the beginning of the film; if Dan Bradley was going to give his film a new antagonist sans a Cold War atmosphere, he had to give the characters a good reason to fight to the bone, and that was certainly it.

On the surface, it seems like a good idea to have a good, ass-kicking American movie. Goodness knows we Americans love that “’MURRICA, FUCK YEAH!” mentality at times, and Red Dawn is full of it. But if Dan Bradley’s goal was to have his film generate the same effect as the original, he sadly falls quite short. I didn’t even know that there was going to be a remake until I was told it was already in theaters, which speaks more to lack of enthusiasm about the film than my disinterest in American cinema. I’m not surprised that there was lack of enthusiasm in promoting Red Dawn; it was caught up in production for several years, long enough for the original antagonists, the Chinese, to be switched to the now-relevant North Koreans.

The poster for the original 1984 Movie - Red Dawn

At first I thought that the remake might perhaps echo the original’s xenophobia… but it doesn’t. I have a major crush on Kim Jong-un and was terrified that the movie would be as anti-DPRK as the original was anti-USSR. But thankfully the film manages to escape that. After the premier there was a wash of anti-Asian sentiment on the twittersphere, but I fail thoroughly to see why, as the remake has failed thoroughly to echo this sentiment from the original. That’s not to say that this cautious approach really adds to the movie’s storyline in any way; being politically correct is fine, but directors of a remake such as this one have GOT to make up for that in some way, and Dan Bradley fails to accomplish that.

My biggest problem with this remake is the lack of jingoism. Considering that Red Dawn was to be released amid the drama of an especially contentious election, I would have thought that it would make sense to keep the original version’s patriotic ass-kickery. But whereas the 1984 version was fully pro-America and politically divisive, the 2012 version is not so much political as it is the story of two brothers fighting for their family and friends. For any other story, this idea would have worked, but in a remake of a movie considered to be so politically strong that I once heard someone suggest a copy should have been thrown in Reagan’s casket, the original spirit of the film is totally lost by turning the movie into a family tale. This remake goes from being a political ass-kicker to little more than a modernized Western. I would imagine that the lack of jingoism probably came out of a fear of coming across as racist, which I do in some ways appreciate, but something tells me it certainly is possible to say “’MURRICA, FUCK YEAH!” without saying “Fuck Asians!”

The Twittersphere reveals lots of Asian-hate people just after they watched the movie...

What this remake also lacks is a cohesive plot. Rather than advancing a solid story, which could have made up for the dearth of jingoism, Dan Bradley focuses on the dreaded shaky-camera technique and a few explosions. There isn’t much dialogue. There isn’t much blood. There’s not even much action. What’s the point, what’s the appeal? It is, quite literally, just a bunch of kids running around in circles. I won’t spoil the ending for you, because there isn’t one. The film never concludes. We don’t know what happens. We don’t know where the story goes. The original version at least has the courtesy of telling us the war continues with no end in sight.

I wanted to like this film. I wanted to like it in the eyes-rolling, military-brat kind of way I liked the original. But Red Dawn has less substance than overcooked rice, and for that I can only give it two out of five joss sticks; I was originally going to only give it one, but then when I realized I would have gladly defected to North Korea and become Captain Cho’s mistress, I figured I owed the film a few sympathy points.

A man in the top 5 percentile of looks will pull less interest than a Plain Jane middle-of-the-distribution female, and for guys who do NOT cut model-level cheekbones and 6'0+ height, the statistics are far grimmer.

(Or why online dating for Asian men sucks but online dating for the women who love us is basically awesome).

In Freakonomics, it was calculated that Asian men had to make $247,000 more than a white male in order to get the same level of responses as a white man. Unfair? Hell yeah. You might even say internet dating is racist against Asian men.

There are also tons of studies on OKCupid which basically confirm that the playing field is unbalanced against Asian men when it comes to online dating. Now, I will say that, as long as you aren’t paying for any kind of website for online dating, and just passively meeting people through the internet, using just a fraction of the time that you allocate to actually socializing and meeting people in real life, then there’s nothing wrong with working both in parallel.

Unfortunately, I get way too many Asian men who think online dating is a shortcut, when, in all reality, it isn’t. You actually have to expend more time, effort and resources to be successful in online dating than you would in real life. Online dating is unfair to Asian men, because the chips are already stacked against you. And then, you actually have to meet the girl in real life – so if your social skills aren’t up to par because you spent all that time online, then you’re screwed.

NOTE: This refers to interracial online dating; Asian on Asian online dating is business as usual. It’s when you, as an Asian man, are trying to use internet dating as a way to open up your options to include women of all races and not just Asian women that AMs run into the discriminatory and, yes, racist nature of internet dating.

Some of you may be familiar with a few dating sites specifically catered towards Asian men and the women who love them. There are a number of websites where Asian men and women of all races chat, mingle and even meet up from time to time. Sounds neat, right?

To be perfectly frank, it’s a little depressing.

The women that frequent these sites tend to disagree with me on this one, but they are speaking from their experiences. Essentially, all they have to do is post a few good pictures, look cute, get on the webcam and just wait for the private messages to start rolling in.

Girls that are considered “regulars” are not going to date the first man that asks her out – they know they don’t have to just take what they can get because the men sometimes worship the ground they walk on.

Guys that have been around for a while know which girls are taken, hard to get, ones that need a little coercing to get into bed with them and which ones are nothing but drama. New girls that are simply gaga for Asian men are easy prey – but very rare; most will date an Asian guy but tend to date all races (typically their own). The cutest girls of the bunch, which would probably be like 6s or 7s in real life, are considered 9s and 10s on these sites, so your standards will fall a little if you exclusively go for these girls.

Another facet of dating on these sites is that the guys outnumber the girls four to one. If you thought your chances offline were bad, it’s worse on these sites. For one thing, the girls get hit on CONSTANTLY – anything you’re going to say to them has been said already, and probably several times that day. They save the funniest ones that really stand out as outrageous and post them on their Facebook for other frequenters to see.

They also claim to not take any real romantic interest in any of the guys there, so your chances are, again, lessened.

Even though it’s all online, it’s STILL going to be about looks. One of our AMWW featured writers, Heather, has this disclaimer on her Facebook – “Just because I date Asian guys doesn’t necessarily mean I will date YOU!” What she means is, even though she dates Asian guys, that doesn’t mean that any Asian guy will do the trick for her. Most girls on these sites dream of meeting a KPop star lookalike – a Rain, T.O.P. or Taeyang – not an average looking Asian guy.

So if you’re going into these sites thinking that all girls there love Asian guys and, therefore, you, there’s a huge wake-up call coming your way.

Research shows that Asian men get a response rate of 22% for internet dating vs. 29.9% for White men (OKtrends, 2011). As an unofficial social experiment, one of our former students, made two online profiles on a popular dating website that were identical albeit one difference – the race of the man pictured in the profile. Sure enough, his experiment yielded the same results – the white male received significantly more responses and remarks that the Asian male.

 It all boils down to science, really – many studies show that white women out of all the races of women show the clearest preference for dating their own race. That being said, there are enough studies to prove that very attractive women are open to dating any and all races. From my experience, the most attractive women I have ever had the pleasure of coming across rarely frequent online dating sites. Thus, the women that you actually have a real, honest chance with – the absolutely beautiful women you see every day, getting coffee, dancing at the club, or working at your campus bookstore (the really cute one, not the one that doesn’t brush her teeth) – are not the same women using dating sites.

There simply aren’t enough women in the WORLD who “who likes short Asian guys” to match the 1.3 Million Asian-American men. We need to go out there, meet and attract ALL women, regardless of (or in spite of) their preference. If a man sits around trying to find a white, black, or Latin girl with a “preference for Asian men” then he’s going to remain single and virginal for a very, Very, VERY long time.

It’s our job as men to increase our options and choice with women, not to limit ourselves to a small spectrum of them.

The great Wayne Gretzky has been immortalized with these words “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. If you continue to use these AM/XF dating sites as a crutch, you won’t know how to approach a woman in public or strike up a conversation in the mall because you never practiced. By taking that chance and just going for it, even if it ends in rejection, is still a chance at any number of possibilities.

If you absolutely MUST, try our Text To Sex program which includes a live example and transcript of how to cold approach a girl on the internet, talk to her, get her phone number and meet her in real life.