Huggable Heather here! The most ironic thing about me dating only Asian men (short or otherwise), I feel, is my body type. At 5’9”, 150 lbs and hips to spare, I’m a relatively tall white woman and I know I’m NOT the kind of girl that Asian men typically go for.
For every short Asian man that does come forward and say that hips are attractive, there are at least ten of them that expect a less curvaceous figure from me. While there are some short Asian men that are attracted to tall white woman, there are so many more that are turned-off by my height. I know that there are those out there that don’t care about my weight (which is actually normal for 5’9”), but there are multitudes that would rather not weigh less than their dating partner.
To be honest, though, I’ve come to accept my body, even though it took a few years. I finally like who I am – curves, height and all. I’m not afraid to wear high heels and I’ve come to tolerate my hips. I don’t know where it came from, but I started realizing my self-esteem depended on me and what I liked about myself, not what others liked about me. I became more confident, comfortable, and content with not only me but Asian men (short or tall) in general.
So, how does this help anyone else?
A common complaint I hear is height, or the lack thereof. Being kind of tall myself, I can appreciate it when a girl wants a taller man. I’ve given it a lot of thought over the years and decided it’s because:
The feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man’s embrace is wonderfully soothing.
For whatever reason, that has come to be associated with height, and thus, girls vocalize that desire and attraction by looking for men taller than them.
It could be just me, but I think how tall a person is has little to do with their height and more to do with how they carry themselves.
Take, for example, my first Asian boyfriend who was short. At 5’5” (and remember JT Tran, your Asian Dating Coach is a “mere” 5 foot 5 inches too!), I was taller than him by four inches (Jocelyn from Speaking of China had 3 inches on her husband), and I’m sure we got stares for that difference. It was a rare occurrence for me to think of him as shorter, however, because he made his presence known.
He had perfect posture, high self-esteem, and amazing confidence. In other words, confident and attractive male Asian body language! My memories of him reflect this; I even remember him either at eye-level or taller. I doubt he fully understood how he came across to me or how attracted I was to him, but height is and never will be an issue for him.
Another short Asian man I recently dated made it clear early on that he would never tell me his weight. I knew I weighed more than him, and he had a somewhat petite build, but his short Asian stature, or the way he carried himself, actually made me feel smaller than him.
Even looking at pictures where we’re standing side by side, a short Asian man with a tall white woman, he looks bigger than me.
He even appears taller than me, and I had at least an inch on him. I wasn’t slouching or sucking in – he just had that confidence about himself, knowing that how his body was and how he felt about it shouldn’t have any impact on how he felt about mine.
That made me more comfortable and attracted just being with him; I didn’t have to worry about him thinking things like “she has bigger legs than me,” or “I wear smaller pants than she does.” I knew that it didn’t matter to him, which made me like him so much more.
I understand that everyone has their type.
It’s entirely possible some Asian men only like white women who are shorter than them, or with small hips and a boyish figure. Maybe there are those out there that don’t have a real preference, but see a taller or bigger-build girl and think that they’re unapproachable due to body issues on both ends.
My advice to that is simple: Stop this unnecessary comparison.
Eliminate this insecurity from the mind. Confidence can help a girl see past a potential height difference, but even if she doesn’t, all that’s lost is few minutes wasted on someone not worth the time.