Female body issues: The most ironic thing about me dating only Asian guys, I feel, is my body type. At 5’9”, 150 lbs and hips to spare, I don’t think I’m the kind of girl Asian guys typically go for, resulting in some female body issues. Before I get called out for stereotyping or generalizing, I do have my reasons and experiences, even with female body issues. For every Asian guy that does come forward and say that hips are sexy, there are at least ten of them that expect a less curvaceous figure from me. While there are some Asian guys that don’t mind if the girl is taller, there are so many more that are turned-off by my height. I know that there are those out there that don’t care about my weight (which is actually normal for 5’9”), but there are multitudes that would rather not weigh less than their dating partner. These are just a few female body issues that arise for a girl like me.
To be honest, though, I’ve come to accept my body and get over my female body issues, even though it took a few years. I finally like who I am – curves, height and all. I’m not afraid to wear high heels and I’ve come to tolerate my hips. I don’t know where it came from, but I started realizing my self-esteem depended on me and what I liked about myself, not what others liked about me. I became more confident, comfortable, and content with not only my female body issues, but Asian guys in general.
So, how does this help anyone else?
A common complaint I hear is height, or the lack thereof. Being kind of tall myself, I can appreciate it when a girl wants a taller man. I’ve given it a lot of thought over the years and decided it’s because the feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man’s embrace is wonderfully soothing, not exactly female body issues. For whatever reason, that has come to be associated with height, and thus, girls vocalize that desire by looking for guys taller than them.
It could be just me, but I think how tall a person is has little to do with their height and more to do with how they carry themselves.
Take, for example, my first boyfriend. At 5’5”, I was taller than him by four inches, and I’m sure we got stares for that difference. It was a rare occurrence for me to think of him as shorter, however, because he made his presence known. He had perfect posture, high self-esteem, and amazing confidence. My memories of him reflect this; I even remember him either at eye-level or taller. I doubt he fully understood how he came across to me, but height is and never will be an issue for him.
Another guy made it clear early on that he would never tell me his weight. I knew I weighed more than him, and he had a somewhat petite build, but his stature, or the way he carried himself, generally made me feel smaller than him. Even looking at pictures where we’re standing side by side, he looks bigger than me. He even appears taller than me, and I had at least an inch on him. I wasn’t slouching or sucking in – he just had that confidence about himself, knowing that how his body was and how he felt about it shouldn’t have any impact on how he felt about mine. That made me more comfortable just being with him; I didn’t have to worry about him thinking things like “she has bigger legs than me,” or “I wear smaller pants than she does.” I knew that it didn’t matter to him, which made me like him so much more.
What both of these guys had in common is that they were both comfortable with who they were; they both also had dominant styles when talking to me – they were not timid, not by a long shot, as is crucial when trying to make a connection on a more physical level I found myself more attracted to them simply by the way they carried themselves. Their personalities made them seem bigger and taller to me, regardless of my own female body issues.
I understand that everyone has their type. It’s entirely possible some men only like women shorter than them, or with small hips and a boyish figure. Maybe there are those out there that don’t have a real preference, but see a taller or bigger-build girl and think that they’re unapproachable due to body issues on both ends. My advice to that is simple: stop this unnecessary comparison. Eliminate this insecurity of female body issues from the mind. Confidence can help a girl see past female body issues of a potential height difference, but even if she doesn’t get past female body issues, all that’s lost is few minutes wasted on someone not worth the time.