Female Body Issues That Arise When Dating Asian Men

by Heather · 20 comments

female body issuesFemale body issues: The most ironic thing about me dating only Asian guys, I feel, is my body type. At 5’9”, 150 lbs and hips to spare, I don’t think I’m the kind of girl Asian guys typically go for, resulting in some female body issues. Before I get called out for stereotyping or generalizing, I do have my reasons and experiences, even with female body issues. For every Asian guy that does come forward and say that hips are sexy, there are at least ten of them that expect a less curvaceous figure from me. While there are some Asian guys that don’t mind if the girl is taller, there are so many more that are turned-off by my height. I know that there are those out there that don’t care about my weight (which is actually normal for 5’9”), but there are multitudes that would rather not weigh less than their dating partner.  These are just a few female body issues that arise for a girl like me.

To be honest, though, I’ve come to accept my body and get over my female body issues, even though it took a few years. I finally like who I am – curves, height and all. I’m not afraid to wear high heels and I’ve come to tolerate my hips. I don’t know where it came from, but I started realizing my self-esteem depended on me and what I liked about myself, not what others liked about me. I became more confident, comfortable, and content with not only my female body issues, but Asian guys in general.

So, how does this help anyone else?

A common complaint I hear is height, or the lack thereof. Being kind of tall myself, I can appreciate it when a girl wants a taller man. I’ve given it a lot of thought over the years and decided it’s because the feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man’s embrace is wonderfully soothing, not exactly female body issues. For whatever reason, that has come to be associated with height, and thus, girls vocalize that desire by looking for guys taller than them.

It could be just me, but I think how tall a person is has little to do with their height and more to do with how they carry themselves.

Take, for example, my first boyfriend. At 5’5”, I was taller than him by four inches, and I’m sure we got stares for that difference. It was a rare occurrence for me to think of him as shorter, however, because he made his presence known. He had perfect posture, high self-esteem, and amazing confidence. My memories of him reflect this; I even remember him either at eye-level or taller. I doubt he fully understood how he came across to me, but height is and never will be an issue for him.

female body issues

Some women just want the soothing feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man's embrace. It's not just (if at all) female body issues.

Another guy made it clear early on that he would never tell me his weight. I knew I weighed more than him, and he had a somewhat petite build, but his stature, or the way he carried himself, generally made me feel smaller than him. Even looking at pictures where we’re standing side by side, he looks bigger than me. He even appears taller than me, and I had at least an inch on him. I wasn’t slouching or sucking in – he just had that confidence about himself, knowing that how his body was and how he felt about it shouldn’t have any impact on how he felt about mine. That made me more comfortable just being with him; I didn’t have to worry about him thinking things like “she has bigger legs than me,” or “I wear smaller pants than she does.” I knew that it didn’t matter to him, which made me like him so much more.

What both of these guys had in common is that they were both comfortable with who they were; they both also had dominant styles when talking to me – they were not timid, not by a long shot, as is crucial when trying to make a connection on a more physical level I found myself more attracted to them simply by the way they carried themselves. Their personalities made them seem bigger and taller to me, regardless of my own female body issues.

I understand that everyone has their type. It’s entirely possible some men only like women shorter than them, or with small hips and a boyish figure. Maybe there are those out there that don’t have a real preference, but see a taller or bigger-build girl and think that they’re unapproachable due to body issues on both ends. My advice to that is simple: stop this unnecessary comparison. Eliminate this insecurity of female body issues from the mind. Confidence can help a girl see past female body issues of a potential height difference, but even if she doesn’t get past female body issues, all that’s lost is few minutes wasted on someone not worth the time.

  • http://www.facebook.com/HUY.FOTO Huy N Nguyen

    Great article Heather. Would you have some advice on building a more dominant talking style?

    • Wynn Horton

      Ask who is the most ladies-man on tv or in movies and try to emulate them/him. My Japanese friend did something like that and learned to speak and pronounce English that way. His face and body were rather ugly, but his way of walking, standing,talking, and dressing made you think he was a movie star..well, sometimes. He could be sexy..he really was ugly, though – black teeth!

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  • http://lovingkorean.wordpress.com/ Oegukeen – Boyfriend in Korea

    I’m 6 feet tall and I’m in a relationship with Korean man (not Korean-American) who is quite a bit shorter than me, and weighs less.

    One thing we seem to forget is that when you fall in love with someone, they are perfect just the way they are. I dated a shorter man before as well, but now, I adore my boyfriend for his height, his skinny little waist, his wide shoulders and geeky way of walking. :)

    And I can see he feels the same for me. That’s the only thing that matters.

  • Jessica Berg

    I am 5’9″ as well so I understand where you are coming from, however I am far more heavier than you. My boyfriend is Japenese and he weighs probably 100lbs less than me (I am a little chubby :P ) and he is only 5’2″. I agree 100% that when you love someone, they are perfect how they are. We DO get a LOT of looks, but I love it, because I want everyone to know who it is that I love with all my heart! and although being embraces and feeling protected is great, I love being taller than him and being able to “protect” him. He can definitely take care of himself, he has good confidence and is a black belt in karate but I like hugging him so completely! :)

  • Footballer

    Great article. I am a Korean guy in Canada. I am 5’9”. Since I went to university its 90 percent of students are whites, I have dated a few American or Canadian girls who are taller and seem to be heavier than me . I agree with Heather. Girls usually do not care too much about my height (if the difference is too extreme) but about my confidence and the way I carry myself. (although there are some exceptions). You are perfect who the way you are. However, if you are still insecure, for weight you can do something. I didnt like my skinny body. (I used to be 135lb and now am 155lb.) If you are a guy, you can go to gym and workout and get some weight. If you are a girl, you can lose your weight. From my experience, it will help boost your confidence.

  • Janel

    I has some body issues when dating Asian men myself. I am only 5’3″, but with that said, I am a curvaceous 160 lbs. My boyfriend, who is Filipino is taller then me, but weighs less then me by about 20 lbs. To me it was embarrassing. I had always assumed Asian men liked slim figured women, which is polar opposite from my body type. I have always tried to create an athletic body type, but found I was working out twice as hard for half of the results (thanks German descent). So now I eat healthy and work out a few times a week and I figure…I am what I am. I feel that it is better to be healthy and happy then stress out over what the scale says. Luckily, I found the right guy who will love me completely for who I am and I couldn’t ask for anything better then that! Great article. Thank you for bringing up this topic!

  • Kellie

    Hello, I am a 5’10 white american female and my boyfriend is 5’9 Korean man, even though our height is a little different our weight is way off. Which in the past I never thought an Asian man would be attracted to a “Full Figured, Thick Chic” like myself.. ha ha. So I never made any effort or show the guys that I was attracted to them or gave them any clue that I was interested in them. Because I figured I was setting myself up for heartbreak. But one day I met my boyfriend, and even on that day, I still didn’t want to show my feelings to much, but I guess he seen through me. I could not ask for a better guy. He honestly doesn’t care about my weight, even thought I complain about my weight, talk about trying out new diet pills, or surgery.. ha ha He gets upset and says “NO, I don’t want you to do anything, I love you just the way you are, you are perfect to me and he doesn’t care what other people think of us.” ( I am about 60-70 pounds heavier than him.) Even though I always get concerned about what his friends could be saying or joking or saying…. I guess he really doesn’t care…. He has stayed with me for 18 months now. So I consider myself to be truly blessed to have found one of the GOOD GUYS, that is so accepting and loves me just FOR ME!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joe.nguyen.5682 Joe Nguyen

    Awesome article, thank you Heather.

  • rzhaaang

    I don’t give a fuck about weight. As someone who has struggled with controlling weight, self-image problems, a family situation that breeds negative thoughts, growing up in place where I was one of 13 asians in my entire highschool and a mentality of putting myself down; I can say this. I don’t give a fuck if you’ve got flab or proof that you enjoy being lazy. If I think you’re sexy enough and good enough of a soul I’d pounce on you at the first hint that you’d be ok with me doing so.

    So no. please don’t think all asians do this. I do understand where you’re coming from. I was recently at a party where some asian guy thinking he was all buddy buddy with me just because he’s got similar skin to me. starts talking shit about my friend playing beer pong who took off her shirt, saying that he’s not against taking off shirts but only if you’re cut and buff. said shit like she’s got flab on her stomach.

    Like i got some flab, some lovehandles but you know what I played alot of video games as a kid and friday nights were spent munching and gaming with as little possible physical activity imaginable. but I still got schwasted enough to take off my sweaty ass shirt in this hot as fuck basement just because the musics here and I’m lookin to dance.

    I’m all about being able to enjoy yourself and not giving a single fuck at all. Not giving a fuck that I’m not grinding the shit out of every ass on the dance floor. Not giving a fuck that my shirts off, my bellys floppin and the pseudo moobs are coming out. Not giving a fuck that some asian chick a moment ago told me to put a shirt on.

    because you know why? I’m just trying to have some fun on this friday night and if you’re a person whos going to judge and verbalize it, then you’re nothing but a party pooper. so fuck off and stop staring at my tits.

    And you know whats really fucked up about all this. Everyones out there looking to be a better man, healthier man, more physical man, more suave. Even this site engages in some of that.

    but in all reality, all you need to do is be a happy man. because sometimes thats the hardest man to be. a happy person who just might be able to share it.

    -asian man with flab

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003307697956 Kieran Tsao

    It’s bullshit when you hear of men who wouldn’t want to be with taller/smaller/fatter/skinnier women than them. Men are men. They will try anything (that is female and alive). Otherwise they are not men and are restricting themselves.

    It is women who are the selective ones, both in nature and modern day life.

  • kevin smith

    A common complaint I hear is height, or perhaps the lack thereof. Being
    type of tall myself, I’m able to be thankful whenever a girl wants a
    taller man. I’ve trained with plenty of thought over time and decided
    it’s as the a feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by way of
    a man’s embrace is wonderfully soothing, not quite female body issues.
    Read more

  • Pshhh

    I’m short (even by asian standards) and although I find asian men attractive, too many have made me feel “lesser” for not being a tall blonde. I’m from San Francisco and lived in Asia (still do). Instead of trying to change myself or feel lesser, I learned (luckily while still young ha!) that if a guy I am dating EVER comments that I should go blonde or that tall women are better looking, I will suck his wallet dry and spit him out. So far, so good. I have always been around 90-100 pounds, but I can’t suddenly grow taller and have no desire to compete with natural blondes. You decided to approach me based solely on my physical appearance, and now you want me to change it? Ummm, sorry, I used to be insecure and would quickly wear 5 inch heels and bleach my hair platinum blonde to amend an idiot’s fantasies, but no longer! You want my hair lighter and my body taller? How about I want your wallet 100% lighter? If you wanted a tall blonde, you should have went for her in the first place!

    • Wynn Horton

      Glad to know they won’t find me too manly! I’m only 5′ 7 1/2″, but still a tiny bit taller than the average woman.

  • Roka

    I’m small and slight (but not boyish) and never had a problem with guys expressing interest. Once in a while there will be a guy who does, and these have historically been varying male body types and races.

    I do get teased for being small but hey I’ve embraced it and I’m not concerned at all about it. Certainly no one has ever told me I need to change my appearance or be taller to fit their standards (as someone commented below)! Security in the body is the most important thing.

  • W00t

    Good article. There are tons of Asian men (including me) who don’t mind if his SO is taller. Being a 5’10, 200lb Asian who has a bulky build due to going to the gym, I prefer my SO to be tall. Keep up the good work.

  • Ryan Cool’n Charm Wibie

    Sorry, but I have to reveal the fact here.
    I’m Indonesian I traveled alot across countries and I lived few years in U.S. I have been dating more than 100 girls in my entire life whether Chinese girls, Arabian Girls, White girls and of course our local Indonesian girls (I Never try black girls).
    As on my experience as an Asian man, yes I like white girls, it doesn’t mean I can accept ‘Any’ White girls but the beautiful one only. As far as my sights around US & Europe, I can say that only 1 out of about 20 or more white girls are really attractive enough for me, it means only about 5% or less of them are classified to be attractive enough. The rest are whether too big/fat, too manly looking, spotted skinned, too hairy skinned or too mean. As man in common, we like the ‘Real girl’ which should be pretty, sexy, girly enough, smooth skinned, phisically easy handling, and characteristically nice to be a partner. Unlike Asian girls, such needs are rarely found on white girls.. or perhaps I prefer Asian girls better, I don’t know. :)

    • Wynn Horton

      I can agree with you, Ryan. Men want a woman more feminine and women want a man more masculine. I’ve had 2 Asian boyfriends and both were the exact same height as me. Both hated it when I wore high heels, because it made them look short. I prefer taller Asian men with broader shoulders for the same reason you prefer more feminine women. A smaller man sometimes makes me feel unfeminine, like I’m a clumpsy hulking beast. If all you need is one, you are safe, as am I. My taller, broader-shouldered Asian man is out there. In fact, I may’ve already rejected him, because he barely spoke English ( regrets!).
      But, if others are ok with the size difference, it is ok. After all, I still loved my short boyfriends and the sex was still great. I just wish they were 6 inches taller.

  • usagi

    I am an older and by older I mean almost 10 yrs older white woman (37) who just started dating a vietnamese man. And he is about 1 inch shorter than me (I am 5′ 8″) I am athletic (defined muscles but not rockin’ a 6pack) and curvy size 6 and I’m pretty sure I weigh more than he does (he has a lovely lean runners body) About the height difference – I could care less- though it is nice being able to look him in the eye when talking – feels more intimate to me anyway. My last relationship was with a man 6’4. My issue is that I also worry that being larger than he is – will be a turnoff for him. I am no petite, slim hipped, boy figured lass as I have noticed many many asian women are. .

    • Wynn Horton

      YAy! I kind of want a younger guy, too. men my age has all been married before. I was so afraid they’d only want younger, even though I am still attractive. OK, I have courage now, Thank You!