They’re All So Beautiful: Appreciating Race or Just Yellow Fever?

by Heather · 31 comments

Yellow Fever--is it just racial appreciation, or is it a full-blown fetish?

Yellow Fever--is it just racial appreciation, or is it a full-blown fetish?

Hello, AMWW readers! The one and only Huggable Heather here with a topic that differs from our typical fanfare – AMWF dating dynamics. I randomly came across an interesting article a while back about a new documentary that seems interesting. Titled “They’re All So Beautiful,” it delves into the ugly side of Asian/White interracial dating relationships – the Asian fetish, or yellow fever.

While I don’t discuss yellow fever much, I do have some personal knowledge on the matter. Recently, I went on a hiking trip with a big group of friends, including my best friend and her boyfriend – an Asian girl/White guy couple. Since I brought along my boyfriend, who is Korean-American, our discussion inevitably led to Asian/White couples and the differences we encounter in interracial dating.

I thoroughly enjoy speaking with my Chinese-American best friend (we’ll call her Jenny) because she provides many interesting interracial dating experiences that are unlike my own AMWF dating experiences. While we have incredibly similar tastes in just about everything, when we go out in public, we are treated very differently. When we’re together, she’s often ignored, or spoken to very slowly, as if she can’t understand English. One person refused to believe she wasn’t Japanese, and kept speaking broken Japanese to her, as if she’d magically be cured of her racial amnesia and be Japanese again.

One of the most important things that has constantly been at the forefront of her mind, especially when it comes to interracial dating, is whether or not she is being fetishized with yellow fever. It’s a real concern for her, and for good reason – she’s been there.

Without divulging too much personal information about Jenny’s life, I’ll break it down for you:

Jenny dated a guy we’ll call Eric for several years before she considered the possibility of him having yellow fever. He only befriended Asian girls. He had a warped sense of beauty and supposed that just about all Asian women were gorgeous. He openly criticized “American” (White) women for being fake, shallow, and overall less feminine than his beloved Asian women.

This might be a spoof ad, but the sad fact remains that there REALLY ARE men out there who have a poorly-disguised fetish for Asian women.

This might be a spoof ad, but the sad fact remains that there REALLY ARE men out there who have a poorly-disguised fetish for Asian women.

In sum, he assumed all Asian women acted a certain way, believed in all the stereotypes surrounding them, and let that dictate how he chose a mate.  He was exclusively interested in interracial dating–to the point that he had a raging case of yellow fever. Jenny eventually broke up with him and has happily moved on with a guy who has a healthier outlook on Asian women (without putting down White women).

Readers, there is a real difference between finding specific physical features about a race attractive when participating in interracial dating and letting stereotypes dictate your attraction with raging yellow fever. If you think an Asian girl/guy is hot because they have an awesome smile, good facial structure, and beautiful eyes, then that’s not necessarily fetishizing them. After all, how many men out there prefer blondes with big boobs and blue eyes? How many women want someone tall, dark, and handsome? AMWF dating and being attracted to someone with a button nose and mono-lids falls into that category. It’s not necessarily shallow – how many people do a double-take while in the mall or at the club, checking out “dat personality”? To some degree, we all want someone who is physically attractive to us, and if another race has certain features that are appealing, it’s not inherently racist.

HOWEVER-

If you like all Asian girls because they are supposed to be soft-spoken, shy, and think your penis is big, you are in it for the wrong reasons; you have yellow fever. If you think they belong on a pedestal as your porcelain “China doll”, you are fetishizing and objectifying an entire race of women. If you put down White women in your quest for Asian pussy, you are not only insulting your Caucasian cohorts but the Asian women you profess to love as well.

True love doesn’t start with a poor attempt at interracial dating laced with yellow fever and implied lines like “I hate my own race’s women… hey baby, how you doin’?”

So… how to navigate away from these types of men?

Sometimes yellow fever goes TOO far, to the point of reducing Asian women to little more than easily purchased commodities.

Sometimes yellow fever goes TOO far, to the point of reducing Asian women to little more than easily purchased commodities.

Jenny didn’t realize Eric had yellow fever until years after they started dating. She began to wonder when she noticed all his friends were Asian women – some with flawless English, others with no grasp whatsoever, and everything in between. She started wondering if any Asian girl would do it for him, regardless of their personality. She felt more and more neglected when he steadily invested more time and money into his “friends”, buying them expensive gifts and talking to them for long periods of time. Whenever she complained about these girls, he always reassured her by saying “I talk to them about you and how much I love you.” It was as if he needed constant attention from any Asian woman and did everything in his power to maintain those relationships. Jenny felt him becoming increasingly more distant as the months went on – the signs were always there, but it wasn’t so obvious at the time.

When Jenny finally broke up with Eric, he ran away to Taiwan and married another Asian girl within a few months. Talk about investment in interracial dating!

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you aren’t an Asian girl. But this article is dedicated to all the Jennys out there. You are more than “just an Asian girl”. You have interests, hobbies, feelings, and experiences that make you unique. You may have some personality traits that fall into the “stereotypical Asian” category. You may not. Either way, that doesn’t make you a “stereotypical Asian” – it just makes you shy, or soft-spoken, or a good student, or whatever that stereotype is and doesn’t mean you deserve to be fetishized with yellow fever. It doesn’t need to be a reflection of your race, but a reflection of you as an individual; a culmination of your life experiences. I want you to cultivate an idea of self-worth and individuality that doesn’t rely solely on “being Asian”. I firmly believe that, while being Asian/Asian-American is a part of you and who you are, it is not everything about you. Armed with this truth that you, as an individual, are worthy of a partner that cares for the person that you are and not the race you represent, you will have an easier time avoiding the “Erics” in life and finding a man that respects you – whatever his race may be.

We all love Asian men, but we can't expect every single one to be a clone of Taeyang.

We all love Asian men, but we can't expect every single one to be a clone of Taeyang.

For those of us in the AMWF dating community, we need to be aware of this as well and make sure we don’t become an “Eric”. If you like Asian guys and love interracial dating, please remember that they’re all individuals, just like you. They’re not one big group of dancing, singing Taeyangs. They’re not a mass of suave, sweet Lee Min Hos. They are unique human beings, and their experiences, not necessarily their race, have shaped who they are. Do not seek them out to fulfill the void left in your life by yellow fever.

But what do I know? I’m just some blonde White girl, right?

  • Jaeger

    ok so idk why somebody posted this under black women asian men. the stereotypes for black women are worse

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t say they are worse, but different and negative in different ways.

  • Maria antonieta

    Well I think is stupid to be with someone because of their specific race… In my case I’m Latin American . I only dated like one guy from where I live. Then went out with an Asian guy for some time in dates, and for the fact I had some guys trying to be my bf but I didn’t like any as I like the Asian guy and it was not because he was Asian it was because I like the way he treated me , how I thought he isn’t a guy just trying to have sex like the others only telling I’m beautiful,cute,etc. and how we talked about everything possible. When he finally asked me I didn’t say yes immediately because my parents didn’t want me to date anyone because I wasn’t done with high school. We started dating in my last year of high school .The only problem is their parents …..

  • Justin Boon

    Heather, I think there is a factor of difference between women and men. Your article discusses Asian fetishism vis a vis women, which is a form of objectification. Every man I have ever met in life does not have a problem being objectified. I personally have a theory that the number disparity between AM/WF and AF/WM couples is that WFs dont fetishize their parters; fetishism is a male thing.

    • Melanie

      While I agree that a lot of men don’t mind being obectified (especially if its by someone they’re sexually attracted to), I have to disagree with fetishizing as being a male-only thing. I have at one point in my life, been subject to alluring stereotypes about Latin-American men–they’re passionate, loyal, family-oriented, etc. And have dated only Latin-American men for some period of time.
      I think that fetishism comes from kind of a deeper place… For instance, these white guys may look for a shy Asian girl because they are narcissistic, and want enough space to make themselves heard. They could be controlling, and want someone submissive for that reason.
      I say this because I desired Latino men because of their “loyalty” during a time I felt I could never trust anyone. I felt I needed that more than anything, and during this paranoid stage in my life, I only dated Latino men for this reason.

    • Anonymous

      that’s not true at all, men can also be fetishized. It may FEEL like its okay because men like having attention from women regardless of reason but overall it supports fetishization of ASIANS in general.
      Fetishization dehumanizes, you place everything first and foremost on race and ethnicity.
      WF’s don’t fetishize? You haven’t heard of koreaboos and japanophiles? White girls who want to be oh so cultural , look at me I’m dating an Asian! lol puhleeze. I understand how Asian men feel but in the end, whether its AF/WM or AM/WF, THE END RESULT, YOU WILL ASSIMILATE, YOUR KIDS WILL NO LONGER REALLY BE ASIAN, DISCONNECTED EVEN FURTHUR FROM THEIR HERITAGE CULTURE. No thanks.

  • 黃俊翔

    The new Wendi Deng and Rupert Murdoch do?

  • breona (yoona)

    im not even white and i love Asian men and trust im going to share this among all of my ambw groups and friends because even though you were not talking to us, you said a lot that should open eyes and make people realize the truth. thank you

  • Kyree

    So, let’s talk about ‘race’….asian men not liking black women and whether that is truth or fiction….any takers?

  • Brandon

    Heather,

    Your articles have been an enjoyable read for me each and every time. They delve into the human emotion pool so much.

    From day one, I have said that this site was almost fetish oriented. Asian men desiring only white women…and putting them on a pedestal etc.

    If my girlfriend ever thought I was going out with her was because she was white, she would have dumped me long ago. What she doesn’t mind is that I am with her because she is beautiful. Not good looking. Not attractive. Drop dead F’ing beautiful.

    The weak wimpy ‘Asian’ guys on here who bitch and moan about their pathetic experience with ‘white women’ deserve very bit of it because they objectify the woman based in their race. It’s weird and creepy. I am not talking about liking or preferring certain attributes in a person, I am referring to the fact that any guy being attracted to a woman based on some attribute without seeing the person as a person deserves the shitty experiences they have.

    • @Brandon

      You’re an idiot. I know plenty of good looking white guys that can’t find dates because they try too hard and act too desperate, asian men aren’t the only ones. Men in general want to mate with any females regardless of her race, it’s the women (except for asian women) that tend to discriminate.

      • Brandon

        Hehehe,

        Who is the idiot!?! Just because one considers the other, or thinks he is, good looking but can’t get with girls are the biggest losers in the world.

        Looks are but a part of the whole attraction thing. The most appealing thing to a woman. Any woman is confidence. Real confidence. Not bullshit confidence with no substance behind it.

        If you and everyone here thinks that all you need is to look good and do some rehearsed scripted bullshit, then y’all going to be very lonely losers.

        Men, real men of substance, do not want to mate with ‘any’ female. Real quality men are just as, if not more so, as selective as a really good looking woman.

        Real men get to choose who they get to have sex with and breed.

        And your statement about that it is women who discriminate ‘except Asian women’ is the dumbest, most retarded, laughable, racist, inexperienced, sad, pathetic, wacking off to Internet porn comment I have ever read on this pathetic forum.

        • @Brandon

          @30232d1d516d08cea1f2880b43c793f8:disqus
          Realistically speaking dumb ass, most men and women stick to their race first, asian women the least. Haven’t you noticed there are more asian women with white men than reverse?? You sound like you’re angry about something, or you have some insecurity issues. Usually people who like to bully have some insecurities.

          • Brandon

            First off, I don’t care if I sound like a bully or not.

            But I do know that not only do you sound like a wimp…you are a wimp.

            And your’re so right. Women love confident men. And that is why women don’t like you. Not because you’re asian.

            And yeah, you are probably the most bitter, sad. pathetic, small minded, (add derogatory adjective here as I would just keep going on) to think that asian women are the least ‘discriminatory’. That statement alone is the most passive aggressive racist thing I have ever heard.

            And do you know why there are less ‘asian’ men with white women?First is because have you seen the ‘average’ asian guy? They’re hideous. It doesn’t matter if one slaps on a Brioni suit and rolls up in a SLS. It just doesn’t matter if YOU don’t have substance.

            Second is that there is more parental/cultural pressure for an asian guy to be with an asian woman. Simple as that.

            Third reason. Well, not really a reason but it takes balls. Big balls to be out with a gorgeous woman of any race/ethnicity/culture. Even their own.

            So which one of the above is your reason? My guess is all three.

          • Anonymous

            gtfo with your bullsh1t disgusting creep. I’ve seen you white guys trying to date Asian women, drooling over them. You aren’t the sh1t at ALL. lol and it looks pretty pathetic.
            LOOK, I understand that your own white women disgust you because they look like men, have adam’s apples and age like a mofo as soon as they hit 35 but that’s not our problem as Asian women MKAY? LOL Don’t come here trying to talk sh1t to Asian men aiight?
            Ugh, this is why I can’t stand pasty azz crackers at all. I’M AN ASIAN FEMALE AND I FIND YOU WHITE GUYS ABSOLUTELY VOMIT INDUCING. I SHOULD ADD YOUR COMMENTS TO CREEPYWHITEGUYS.TUMBLR.COM check yourself.

          • Anonymous

            If you want to examine why Asian women think being with white guys is ok , look at American media and how they depict Asians.
            Do you ever see Asian men in American media in a positive light? And that’s been for over 50 years or more.
            And how are Asian women depicted? Sexualized, toys, me sucky fcky me love you long time Miss Saigon? So media makes Asian women like that and Asian men like that and Asian girls grow up watching that. Why do you white Americans only put Asian women with white men in media? Why don’t you ever put Asian couples in love? NOT EVEN ONCE?
            So it’s pretty manipulative and disgusting that Americans, white Americans push that context ON PURPOSE then afterwards watch the effects and go HAHAH Asian women date white men? FK YOU.
            This is why white guys are absolutely disgusting. Thank god I don’t deal with this crap anymore.
            Asian love<3 Is NUMBER 1.

        • @Brandon

          @30232d1d516d08cea1f2880b43c793f8:disqus
          Yeah of course women like confident men, that doesn’t mean women don’t discriminate based on race, men do it too.

        • at brandon

          In the U.S. we’re not quite there yet where things are equal, although this is slowly changing with more progressive attitudes and changing demographics.

      • Anonymous

        white guys that have problems finding dates is not Asian womens problem. Get a life or something but please keep your creepy Asian fetishizing self away, thanks.

    • Anonymous

      well, I’m an Asian female and frankly if you find yourself dating white women back to back, more than one white woman then you ARE fetishizing, because that RACE is your “preference”. Same with white men, if you’re a white guy and date consecutive Asian women, you have a FETISH.
      If you are Asian you should be dating 99.99% Asian people.
      I don’t even just date any Asian, I only date Asians from MY own Heritage.
      How are you going to continue your culture with your white woman in your kids? ASSIMILATION lol

  • Anonymous

    This site is weird this site itself is fetishizing you know wow. Anywayyy,
    As an Asian female, I only date men from my own heritage so I may continue and cherish my culture without conflict of interest.
    Most Asians marry other Asians, but it’s been noticed that Asian women date white men sometimes, almost as commonly as black men with white women (the most popular interracial coupling).

    It’s important to notice, the Asian female/white male imagery in media has continued since neo-colonialism and US military presence in the Pacific. The first couplings were direct result of military men and camptown prostitutes. Those were the first images of Asian women in media, that was the context.
    It’s continued into current media today. Asian women are constantly paired with white men, while Asian men are largely invisible from view. And when they are seen, they have no romantic agency.

    Black people, men and women within their community talk about a thing called ‘black love’. You can see it in films like Love and Basketball or Poetic Justice.
    But where is the Asian love? Name one time you have seen a movie or even side characters where there is an Asian-American couple in love? NONE.
    This needs to change because young Asian girls grow up watching this, and without a critical eye, they internalize the images. Then you have creepy white guys like this who prey on it.

    All the racist stereotypes placed on ~exotic~ asian women, miss saigon tropes then growing up only seeing images of asian women and white men, some women may forget what it is to have Asian love and even what it means.
    It seems like the men on this site have to.

    The same racist stereotypes emasculinate men. Exotify the female, and she is an OBJECT of desire, exotify the male and he becomes effeminate.
    Media also promotes this stereotype creating these characters. Asian men in media are NEVER given any romantic agency. Only recently with Steve Yeun in Walking Dead have we seen an Asian man kiss a female. And even then it is only a white person who gives this agency.
    There is still no images of “Asian love”.

    Just think, there are white couples, latino couples, black couples on tv.
    Do you ever see any Asian couples? Asians still marry other Asians, where is this represented? What is going on here?
    This site is racist. There is no need to promote asians to date white people more than their own heritage. Lol this article is trying to talk about fetishization as if this site itself isnt fetishizing odd.
    This site is no different than asianwomanwhiteman.com or something
    it’s ridiculous.

    Listen up, if you find yourself dating a white person more than once, consecutively and you are an asian person, you need to check your internalized racism and get back to your roots because assimilation does not help your culture nor help ‘end racism’. You just assimilate. The white culture will dominate and you know it.
    If you are a white person and you date an Asian back to back in a row. YOU HAVE A FETISH. Wake up people.

    • asianpride198

      Wrong AF/WM is the number 1 IR pair and Asian women are white worshipping sell out

      • Anonymous

        Did you even read the main point of my post or is that the only mantra you can think. Can you even think for yourself?
        What the point of your Asianpride? What does that even mean for you?
        I’M AN ASIAN WOMAN THAT ONLY DATES MY HERITAGE ASIAN MEN. yes, women and men can have INTERNALIZED RACISM. But you will not help by putting down your fellow Asian woman, you need to discuss why this it is like that, you need to study media and society not just attack Asian women, you will only chase them away that way.
        AND ALL THE ASIAN MEN DROOLING OVER WHITE WOMEN ON THIS SITE ARE ALSO SELLING OUT DUH?
        ASIAN LOVE IS NUMBER 1, WHETHER ITS ASIAN MEN WITH WHITE WOMEN OR ASIAN WOMEN WITH WHITE MEN, THE END RESULT IS, YOU ASSIMILATE AND YOUR CULTURE DISAPPEARS. WAKE UP.
        Now there are websites like creepywhiteguys.tumblr.com and other tumblr sites where Asian girls talk about disgusting white guys and fetishization. SO YOU AND THIS WEBSITE DOESNT HELP THE PROCESS. THIS ASIAN MAN WHITE WOMAN SITE DOES NOT HELP THE PROCESS. WAKE UP.

    • i-am

      you’ve really articulated a lot of the truths that unfortunately many people are too caught up to actually see. miss saigon, madam butterfly exemplify how brainwashed we are into accepting insulting portrayals of Asian women and erasing Asian men from the picture. Asian love is where it’s at, let’s take this back into our own hands. Thanks for your thoughts.

  • blablablabla

    This article sounds a bit strange predominantly because the website itself encourages a sort of fetish. Asian male fetish for white women. There is a very very thin line between racial preference and fetish and it seems that while you espouse one you condemn the other, even though for most part they are close together.

    See, to each his own. But I think even having a conversation about a specific racial pairing is a step in the direction of that fetish. Why condemn the sarong girls and sleazy white guys? Because they stand out? Because they verbalize what most people subscribing to services such as this forum or others feel?

    Fundamentally I am in agreement about what you said. But this site treads the hypocritical line because women here wear shirts that say asian men are better. Its a supposedly AMXF site moderated by a asian man and 3 blonde women and the main author keeps harping about asian guys getting “quality” white girls: and who wants to bet what a “quality” girl looks like for him (emphasis on looks).

    To me, that is worse. At least the people who naively disclose their fetish aren’t hiding behind the veil of some sort of authentic appreciation for a race. So why not embrace your other halves instead of damning them on the internet and sounding holier than thou?

    • Asianman

      I think Tran made this site because we live in the social context of a AF/WM or BM/WF dating world when we think of interracial relationships. You don’t see the rampant colonialism, white superiority and sexual entitlement as you see in AF/WM sites. Do white men looking for Asian women really need to preface their dating introductions with, “Tired of small penises, then you’re in luck!”

  • hyojin

    Sounds like Heather is jealous of her white guys getting w/ us asian gals otherwise she would of not brought the topic up to begin with.Awww..sorry Heather oh and btw Heather we fetish your wm too.Yummy white guys and they make gorgeous babies w/ us.Keep h8n! Aw/wm is a big deal and you just cannot stop it white girls:)

    • Asianman

      Hyojin, you should learn to write in correct English first. It’s “would have” not “would of….” Heather is not jealous of you. You’re the kind of Asian girl who’s just like “Eric” who hates the opposite gender of your own race. Heather, unlike you, does not dislike white men. She just happens to be attracted to Asians more and not just any ol’ Asian which is another huge difference between her and “Eric”.

  • low jack

    Heather comes across as intelligent and articulate and does a really good job of making a distinction between people who have genuine affection for a particular type of person and those who pursue a race bc of narrowed minded need for that race to make up fir their own character flaws.
    Hyojin on the other hand comes across as, how to put this politely, a pain in the a**

  • low jack

    Heather comes across as intelligent and articulate and does a really good job of making a distinction between people who have genuine affection for a particular type of person and those who pursue a race bc of a narrowed minded need for that race to make up for their own character flaws.
    Hyojin on the other hand comes across as, how to put this politely, a pain in the a**

  • Rake Leaves

    That’s funny because this asian guy I had a crush on was called “Eric”. How people choose partners is more than sexual attraction but rather depends more on what they are comfortable with. For example, I grew up in China for a few years, and speak Chinese at home. I like most people because I was exposed to people of all kinds in America, but I am most comfortable with asians after all.