Why Showing PDA To Your Asian Boyfriend Is A Public Service Announcement For AMWF Relationships

by Heather · 12 comments

PDAs in AMWF relationships can be a tricky situation to handle.

PDAs in AMWF relationships can be a tricky situation to handle.

Hi there! It’s me, huggable Heather, with a topic that needs no real introduction because it’s already “out in the open”: Public displays of affection, or PDAs for short.

You see PDAs everywhere – in the mall, at the movie theater, in the clubs… couples can’t wait to show their love and/or get it on, and they want everyone in their immediate vicinity to notice. Sometimes it’s just a light peck on the cheek or a hug that likes to linger longer. At other times, it’s a full-on make-out session, complete with soft moans and slurping kisses. You, playing the part of the innocent bystander, are now subjected to the very personal scene unfolding in front of you. Depending on the level of the PDA, it can range from unnoticeable or very awkward.

For your average, same-race couple, most passersby wouldn’t bat an eye when encountering their public displays of affection. For many, it seems natural that people of the same race will fall for each other. This is normal – according to the latest US Census, 90% of marriages are same-race. Even most interracial marriages are given the green light these days, especially if you’re in a “blue-state.”

But when it’s an AMWF relationship? Well, all eyes are on us when my Asian boyfriend and I walk around in public together. I doubt it has much to do with who we are as people – of course, it has more to do with the fact that AMWF relationships are more of an oddity than the norm. Unless we’re holding hands or being lovey-dovey with our PDAs in that way couples are, people usually assume we’re friends.

How do I know this? Well, for one, we’ve been asked. Flat out. Just like that. Some lady came up to us and asked if we were together. When I said yes, she complimented us and walked away. It was a little bizarre, but not too uncomfortable. Another instance was when his co-workers thought I was his really clingy friend until they saw us kiss. Whatever the reason is, many people can’t wrap their heads around this AMWF relationship…

…which brings me right back to PDA. I know many, if not the majority, of you will be disgusted, but I consider it a personal duty to engage in copious amounts of public displays of affection with my Asian boyfriend. There are places that are off-limits, like work or near small children, but everywhere else is pretty much fair game.

Why, you may ask?

Because I’m really tired of people seeing the Asian men that I love, especially the one I’m with, as losers that can’t get a date to save their lives. I want Asian men to be seen for what they really are – men capable of being sexy, smart, fashionable, masculine, tough, or anything they deem worthy of being seen as. I want them to make non-Asian men realize that they are a threat in the dating game and can get as many women as any other guy. I want to make women understand that Asian men are just like any other race of men, able to be loved and adored. As my dear friend and amazing actor, Kelvin Han Yee (happily married to his beautiful White wife), says:

Some people like to believe that AMWF relationships don't exist, but a healthy dose of PDAs can change that.

Some people like to believe that AMWF relationships don't exist, but a healthy dose of PDAs can change that.

“We need to see more Asian male/White female public display of affections! It’s more than just making out. It’s a “political action.” Interracial public displays of affection are healthy for society. People need to get used to it. You are a beautiful couple. To see you two together, we are reminded of what a real, working, committed, loving, relationship can be.”

Today, only 1 out of 4 Asian/White couples are AMWF relationships. We are a minority among couples, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be visible. We are a working, living, breathing part of this country, just like any other couple. We deserve to be recognized. We have the privilege to be seen. I know no one is denying us of our rights or taking away our privileges, but even refusing to acknowledge our existence can be frustrating. PDA is, therefore, necessary for couples in AMWF relationships in order to solidify our existence in the minds of the nation and be seen as a normal, viable part of society. It pushes the boundaries of what defines a “typical” relationship and extends to include Asian men. By taking part in PDA with your Asian beau, you not only make AMWF relationships visible, but remind others that Asian men simply exist.

From personal experience, this may be unusual for that special Asian man in your life. The majority of the guys I dated were uncomfortable with the idea of PDA. I get it, I really do. Traditional Confucian ideals and reserved Asian culture aren’t always conducive to makeouts on the subway, so it’s important to not overstep his boundaries with your PDAs. But while I never pushed them too far out of their individual comfort zones, I tried to get away with as much as I could. I would always hold their hand in public or hang onto their arm as we walked. Some were okay with kissing in public, others weren’t. Whatever their limits, I tried to portray to others that we were, in fact, an AMWF relationship – to validate the existence of the man I loved and make sure others saw him.

It's important to not overstep his boundaries with PDAs, but you should still make sure that your Asian man is acknowledged.

It's important to not overstep his boundaries with PDAs, but you should still make sure that your Asian man is acknowledged.

There are other subtle, non-physical PDAs that you can give your guy as well. One example is making sure other people, such as cashiers or servers, are addressing him. I know this sounds strange, but it comes from experience. When in public, I find other White people, for whatever reason, address me before acknowledging him, if they do at all. If you walk into a store together and the sales clerk, either purposefully or subconsciously, fails to greet him or speaks to you when answering his question, point that out. Usually, I just pause and let him do the talking when we are greeted, but if he inquires about something and the clerk speaks to me instead of him, I politely say that I was not the one to ask the question and that they should speak to my boyfriend instead. This does make them take a step back and it may even sound rude, but it reminds them that Asian men are approachable and deserve to be addressed. I call it a public display of affection because you are still displaying your affection – you are giving your Asian man, and by association, all Asian men, more visibility and a chance to be heard.

If that isn’t affection, I don’t know what is.

In my humble opinion – if you love your Asian man, you’ll hold his hand, give him a quick kiss, and maybe even make out with him in public. You’ll make sure others know of his existence. Show the world he’s worth loving. You’ll boost his confidence, self-esteem, and everyone else nearby will be wondering what he did to deserve an amazing woman like you!

  • John the Designer

    dang, Heather, can i buy you a new car, or lifetime supply of bacon? i’ve always thought there was a need for “overcompensating” for the sake of changing perceptions and awareness, but i thought that was just my advertising job talking. great to see you believe this too. keep up the keen observations and rallying call. now, i’m back to making out in public. ;-)

  • Brandon

    Another great article Heather!

    A lot of my asian guy friends are very stoic in public with ther woman. Not just ‘white’ women. My mom and dad are perfect examples. I have never seen them hold hands in public and I have never even seen the kiss at home. Nor have I seen any of my parents friends do any of that.

    Even with my Asian friends. Yes, I have Asian friends. The guys are not the most affectionate with their girlfriend in public and in private. At most, I will see them hold hands. Is it cultural? I think so.

    Me, in the other hand, have mostly dated ‘white’ girls throughout my life. In this aspect, there is a cultural difference between white women and Asian women.

    The Asian girls I dated. Yes, I have dated Asian girls. Are more reserved as well. I will hold their hand and maybe a quick peck on the lips.

    My white girlfriends. Well, most, no, all were pretty sexually aggressive. Some had handcuffs. Some liked to be slapped.msome liked to be tied up. Not one of my white girlfriends were a starfish in bed.

    My girlfriend actually gets annoyed with me if I am not groping her firm ass in public. I enjoy running my hand behind her blouse playing with her bra (or lack of one). I enjoy running my fingers through her hair. And so on.

    She enjoys telling me to kiss her in public. Not once but several times in a row. She will take my hand and place it in her crotch. She will move in close to me to so I can look down her blouse. And so on.

    So, in my experience.min this aspect, I believe that there is a cultural difference when it comes to PDA. White women are more open and comfortable with it. Asian men and women are much more reserved with it.

    And I would encourage the white woman in an AMWF relationship to start the PDA’s in the beginning.mif the guy is open and confident, he will be sticking his tongue down her throat while at McDonalds in no time. If not, he will eventually have a frustrated girlfriend who feels that he is embarrassed to be with her in public.

  • NoiseGrinder

    What do you girls think of an Asian man with beard…I mean, full beard.
    I’m kinda masculine and hairy, too…When I was in Beijing, I got some attention from those non-Asian girls…oh, not girls, women.
    Some Asian girls find me intimidating, though, some do like me, saying I’m different.
    I’m proud of it and do shave my beard everyday, lol.

  • Brandon

    My girl and I were getting ready for bed (read: going to fuck each others brains out and then fall asleep from exhaustion) and I was brushing me teeth. She stood behind me and put her arms around me and said how she loves so many things about me.

    She then brought up the topic on how she was never attracted to asian guys because (get ready for this) ‘they’ all seem emotionally distant and never showed any signs of interest in her. And if all those who know my posts…she looks hotter than Megan Fox.

    So, here is an amazingly beautiful woman. She mentions that she never showed interest in ‘asian’ men because her general observation was that ‘they’ (generally as a group) have never showed her any interest.

    So, all you geeky asian dudes who think that white women are racist etc. Well, y’all got it so backwards ass wrong. I don’t know where to begin.

    But keep thinking that. It leaves all the beautiful (not hot, not pretty…F’ing beautiful) women for guys like me. You know. Two functioning balls. Confidence. Self esteem. Positive self image. etc etc etc.

    • Anonymous

      this site is so bizarre lol you guys are weird and trying too hard. you don’t need to have your sexuality validated by a white woman common lmao Im an Asian woman that only dates men from my own heritage. you don’t like your heritage? because your kids will basically be white you know LOL like white mentality, white mannerisms, white values, white way of thinking. say bye bye to your Asian heritage.

      • relmneiko

        Uhhhhhh.

        Even if you marry a someone of the same race, your kids might grow up to be “bananas” due to their own volition. That’s just the result of living in a different country. And some mixed kids end up retaining their heritage – it just depends on how their family raises them as well as the environment/neighbourhood they live in/schools they go to. And there are white people out there who have an interest in Asian culture. You sound rather racist, tbh.

      • Wynn Horton

        this is likely the mother of an Asian man who is dating a white woman.

        • AMWF Advocate

          So damn true. The people that are vehemently oppose Asian men dating non-Asian women are Asian women who date white men only.

  • Anonymous

    asianophiles, white people fetishizing Asian people is wrong and racist. This ‘heather’ is a racist fetishizer and you guys are sad thirsting for white validation.

    • Bob

      And you’re an obvious troll.

  • J Shin

    When I was in college (20 yrs ago), I was dating a Spanish woman (I am Korean American). I was an undergraduate and she was a graduate student and TA. We went on a road trip once through the California Central Valley. At a roadside diner, the waitress refused to address me and asked my girlfriend what I was having.

    Oh how times have changed…

  • Luey V

    Your BF most be a great guy to have you.