Why Looking Good Beats Being Good Looking

by JT Tran · 13 comments

The average woman spends 78 minutes getting ready. How much time do you spend on yourself to look and feel good?

The average woman spends 78 minutes getting ready. How much time do you spend on yourself to look and feel good?

I have a ritual while doing laundry that is very simple and very precise. It is also, however, very thorough. I wash and dry clothes and, once they’re done, I fold everything very carefully.

First, I button up and fold my dress shirts while they are still warm from the drier (this prevents creases) and, even though they will just be hung up once I return to my room, it makes it infinitely easier to iron each shirt before I go out.

This simple preventative measure will minimize the number of wrinkles from the get-go. I do the same with my handkerchiefs, smoothing and stacking them while hot and folding the whole lot into quarters to be ironed later.

Second, I fold all my pants into one pile. They are the easiest and I take care to make sure they’re all folded in the same way so they don’t acquire creases over the passage of time. I then fold the V-Necks I will wear out into one pile and the t-shirts I will wear out into another pile. These are separated into different compartments in my closet, so I group them as such.

During this process, I will throw out anything with sweat stains or imperfections. After they’ve been cleaned is the easiest point to decide what has run its course without mistaking a temporary spot for a permanent blemish. I fold all undershirts, socks and underwear and toss them into the basket on top of the other neat stacks. I then turn off the lights and leave the laundry room.

This entire ritual obviously adds more time and effort into my day, but it is well worth it. There are a ton of resources from a lot of different dating companies say that clothes have nothing to do with dating. They will tell you that meeting women is all about your persona and who you are inside, rather than outside. This is absolutely right, but it is also very misleading.

You see, there is a profound difference between being good looking versus LOOKING GOOD. The reason clients love to meet me is because I am neither good looking nor handsome, but “somehow” I am still very successful with women when meeting them.

In other words, it would have been great if I was born tall, dark and handsome, but I think I can settle for being short, stunning and smooth. I will never have the natural advantage of being “good looking“, but I can spend the time and effort to LOOK GOOD.

And that drives women wild.

To women, the type of clothing you wear reflects more than money or status or style, it reflects effort. When you spend time taking care of your clothing and putting together nice outfits, taking into account current fashion and style of dress, you are showing that you take pride in your appearance and that you are willing to make the effort to look nice when the occasion calls for it. She sees this as an augmentation of your personality, this is a good quality and you have it. In layman’s terms, you score more points.

Does this give you better game? No.

Aside from the boost in your own self-confidence, it does not earn you any more approaches or second chances.

Will wearing a suit instead of a t-shirt significantly alter running great game? Probably not. But, the real question is; will it HURT your confidence? No. In fact, it will do the exact opposite. To what degree is debatable. My very intelligent friend Keith (That promotes many popular clubs in Hollywood) always says, “No one has ever been kicked out of a club for dressing too nicely” and he is always right.

I absolutely agree that solid flirting can be run on women without paying a second of attention to your outfit (as long as you don’t smell), but let’s imagine one last situation together…

You’re at a bar chilling out with your friends. You were all out shooting some hoops against another team and decided it was time for a cold one. No time for showers, you need that beer to quench that thirst and after getting the first round, you relax comfortably into your booth only to look out across the bar and see the girl of your dreams. She is the very definition of feminine perfection.

You are confident, suave, and- like me- have Confidence.

You stand up without a moment’s hesitation, approach her and put your silver tongued repartee to work. In 15 minutes she’s into you like crazy, swooning in your arms and in a half an hour, you’ve made a great connection, gotten her number (maybe you’ve even stolen a kiss and a snuggle or three) and gone back to your friends.

Then, the opposing team walks in. They had all gone back home and showered and are now the best dressed gentlemen in the establishment and one of them takes a fancy to the girl you closed. Uhoh.

Here’s the dilemma: He’s got the same amount of C0nfidence that you do.

He’s just as funny as you are and has equally as interesting stories that you do, but he’s got a slight advantage over you by taking that extra time to clean himself up, do his hair, and make himself smell nice. You, on the other hand, still have nasty sweat pit stains under your armpits. Sure, she may not remember him or maybe you made such a strong impression that she’s still swooning, but do you really want to take that chance?

In this game, we have to put our best foot forward. We have to account for every possibly contingency and we have to solve the problem before it happens. Clothing is an easy way to give you an added advantage, so why not take that step. Perhaps, read it this way:

“In order to get your head right, you need to get your threads right!”

  • You are absolutely correct. I remember when my older brother go his first suit. It was sharp and he looked sharp in it. But he was balking at having to wear it. My father looked at him and said, ‘son you don’t wear the suit, the suit wears you.” After that, I always understood dressing nice (or sexy even) gives you a certain confidence.

    • Anonymous

      Definitely, Stephanie. You can experience a whole personality change depending on what you’re wearing. Happens every weekend to me! 😉

  • Megan Buckner

    Absolutely! Beauty is an attitude. What the use of your beautiful if your not confident about it? I’ve known a lot of people who were really not that good looking but they just look stunning!

  • SJ Numa-Fatialofa

    …great insight JT and right there with you bro. One approach I live by… is “Join the trend or Create the trend beyond itself” 🙂

  • Brandon

    i must be completely out of the norm.

    i never dress nice. i never try to look good. i am just me. is the pure confidence? if that is what you want to call it. then, yes.

    i spend 15 minutes from waking up to get ready and be out the door.

    i have never bought a girl a drink. but many…Many have bought me drinks, bottles of champagne etc. when i used to go clubbing, i dont really like drinking. my fiends did. i would just stand around the dance floor and girls…very very good looking girls would ask me to dance with them. i cant recall how many good looking girls have overtly flirt with me. it is actually a relief that as i get older…i get hit on less and less. well, not really but i like to think so. 

    i get attention whether i am in my sweats or in my office clothes. why? beats me

    my assistant, who adores me as a person…said that i have the most killer personality that is effortlessly amazing. is she right? beats me.

    my girlfriend is unbelievably beautiful. a model, tall, natural blonde and very intelligent. guys literally trip and stumble to get a glance at her. she has been asked out by mulit-millionaires, pro athletes and guys with very high social standing…and yet, she is with me. why? beats me.

    and! she is incredibly jealous of other women even looking at me let alone trying to talk with me. why? beats me. 

    the strange thing is that everyone thinks i am a player when i really am not. i dont sleep around and i dont date two or more girls at a time.

    how special physically am i? i dunno. i have never thought of myself as particularly good looking. i am over 6′ and asian. sure i take a 44 jacket and wear 32×34 slacks. and sure, people have told me that my face is not hard on the eyes…but all this is meaningless if i am a jerk. my other 6’+ friends have a heck of a time meeting women because their personality, well, blows.

    why am i saying all this that makes me look like a boasting arrogant jerk?

    because, after reading a few articles on this website…the subliminal message i get is that asian guys have a severe inferiority complex, especially when it comes to dating white girls.

    the articles seem to portray a hidden desperation of asian males and their ‘quest’ to be with a white woman. the constant theme is that the asian male has to go above and beyond to try and be with a white woman.

    my tip?

    in general, the main difference between in what an asian woman and a white woman see in a man (any man) is confidence. white woman look for a much higher level of confidence in a man than an asian woman does. cultural bias here? maybe.

    do i have certain physical (and professional status) attributes that makes me more attractive to women, especially white women? maybe. but the one thing that i know about me through and through is that i am confident. and because i believe in myself without effort (effort is always forced)  and do not need to impress, it is in my opinion,  women find that very attractive.

    • Vyaralovefully

      thank you brandon, couldnt have said so better myself!

    • cjh1990

      Wow what a liar. How old are you? I would like to see a picture of both you and your so called girlfriend.

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  • afead ef

    white girls <33

  • cjh

    Wow JT, amazing. You are an inspiration. I’ve actually never really thought about how exactly to sort the laundry but this makes so much sense! It would save me a pretty penny too if I actually do it. Lol thanks. 🙂