by JT Tran · 70 comments

Jenny An refuses to date Asian men (courtesy of XOJane)

Jenny An refuses to date Asian men (courtesy of XOJane)

So in another spectacular bit of race baiting and Asian trolling, popular shock rag XO Jane put out an article entitled “I’M AN ASIAN WOMAN AND I REFUSE TO EVER DATE AN ASIAN MAN” by Jenny An.

Are there Asian women who refuse to date Asian men? Your bet your ass there are. Something like 45% of American born Asian women will marry a non-Asian American male. Its not a new phenomenon and something that’s been growing and growing for years.

Close to 20% or 1.5 million Asian American men will never marry because of Asian women like Jenny An who are self-described “racists” and could never look at an Asian man in a romantic light. I’ve had the misfortune of meeting Asian women like Jenny in real life and many of my students and readers have reported back that they too have run afoul of a Jenny An.

So to all the Jenny “I’M AN ASIAN WOMAN AND I REFUSE TO EVER DATE AN ASIAN MAN” An’s of the world, here is my reply:

You’re a racist, Jenny An. That’s right. A downright dirty hate speech angry pissed off racist, and I commend you for saying it. But what are you really?

While there is a proclamation of racism in the beginning of your “I’M AN ASIAN WOMAN AND I REFUSE TO EVER DATE AN ASIAN MAN” rant backed by numbers and statistics of interracial marriage, I got something to tell you sweetheart, and you aren’t going to like it. Here’s what you really are:

You aren’t special.

Sure, you like white meat. It’s a little dry, and there’s a lot more of it. That’s fine, perfectly OK, but what bothers most is your little “I’M AN ASIAN WOMAN AND I REFUSE TO EVER DATE AN ASIAN MAN” rant about Asian values, and while I can understand your angst (as I’ve gone through it as well, taught guys how to get over it as well etc.) and know that many Asians are feeling the cultural pull of GPA, Ivy League admission, deference to authority, being humble and hard work.

Instead, you just say “Fuck it all.” Again, this isn’t a new phenomenon. Asians all around America (and even countries like Korea, Thailand, Vietnam, China, and Japan) have been rejecting their own culture. Just look at the Ganguro Japanese culture with their dyed blonde hair and blue contact lenses for proof. Like I said earlier:

You aren’t special.

But oh! You go on about how Daniel Liu is hot, how you DO like the effeminate nerdy sort of deal, and more. Would you date him? No way!

That’s because he is ASIAN, and that’s a deal breaker for you. Frankly, I don’t think you’re a racist, even though you’ve proclaimed it to the internets. I don’t think you’re racist at all. Sure, you don’t want to date Asian men, and you “can” date white guys, but in the end, does it really matter?

Now I’ve turned TONS of women on to being a true blue fan of Asian men. Some of them never turn back to their white meat ways and continue to date many attractive well-kempt exotic Asian men, often times they’re my students who were once hateful and regretful of the color of their hair, darkness of their skin, or slant in their eyes.

Are these women that have been charmed and seduced by my students now racist too? Or is it more of just a preference? Some girls date exclusively Hispanic men. Others like black men only.

Do I date a lot of white women? Yes, I do, but I also date Latin and African American women as well as a few of our own Asian women. I don’t exclude by race, although I certainly have preferences. When I teach my students about dating, I don’t tell them to only date white women,. That’s not my goal.

Rather my goal is to humanize both Asian men and women to one another. To show that Asian men are as confident and masculine as other men and that yes, we find women of all races to be attractive and desireable. And so hopefully, more women of color, whether she’s white, black, or Latina, will open up themselves to dating us.

New York Magazine: Paper Tigers

New York Magazine: Paper Tigers

Wesley Yang took me out for drinks in NYC after the whole New York Magazine “Paper Tigers” article. That article opened up eyes, made people see what its like to be an Asian man, and gave the world a no-bullshit view of core Asian values. What was your response?

“Fuck filial piety. Fuck grade grubbing. Fuck Ivy League mania. Fuck deference to authority. Fuck humility and hard work. Fuck harmonious relations. Fuck sacrificing for the future. Fuck earnest, striving middle-class servility.”

Is it so much that you’re racist? Or is it that you’re just rejecting your cultural heritage? Let that soak in – “rejection of cultural heritage.” You don’t want to date Asian guys, completely fine, but what’s getting the bad rap here, Asian men, or Asian values?

With your liberal use of F-bombs in “I’M AN ASIAN WOMAN AND I REFUSE TO EVER DATE AN ASIAN MAN”, I don’t think you hate or have a dislike of Asian men at all, seeing you said Daniel Liu is hot. You just disown your Asian cultural heritage, and it’s OK.

To be frank, that’s pretty common among Asian communities. I know that my children are going to be raised like other American children, but with an understanding of their cultural Asian history, even if they do have the slanted eyes, black hair, and yellow skin. Like I said earlier:

You aren’t special.

Asians have been doing this to themselves for the longest time. It’s true. We are self racist, and in your own words, we still see ourselves as a minority, outsiders, and foreigners. Yes, the whole “model minority” factor makes me sick as well, as I know plenty of my Asian bad boys out there, donned in double extra large t-shirts, silly baseball caps, and shorts too long to be shorts, tipped with K-Swiss sneakers.

I get it. You don’t want to date one of your people, but that doesn’t make you racist. If “dating white men gets you accepted into American culture,” then maybe I should just date someone of a different color so I get accepted into that culture.

Is your way of thinking fucked up? You bet it is, and is there really any way to change it? A simple counter “I’M AN ASIAN WOMAN AND I REFUSE TO EVER DATE AN ASIAN MAN” article cannot.

In fact, I feel it’s rude to change you. I can’t make anyone un-racist like I can’t un-Asian myself. But maybe you ought to think to yourself, am I just running away from my cultural values? Isn’t that a source of insecurity? Maybe that’s a way to fix your “fucked up way of thinking.”

But you forget: being AMERICAN is about cultural diversity. Chinese food isn’t really Chinese food, cheeseburgers came from Germany, my cab driver is Jamaican, and the waitress at my favorite Korean restaurant is white. So how the heck does dating white men mean getting accepted into American society, when America is already a big fat melting pot of multiple cultures? If anything, dating a person of MULTIPLE races would be considered getting accepted into American culture, because low and behold, not all of Americans are white. Big surprise.

Yes, you are part of a trend that 37% of Asian brides married non-Asian grooms. Cool, and good for you for being part of the recent interracial marriage trend, but to go online and slather the name of Asian men in a title that says you absolutely refuse to date Asian men? Not cool.

I bet there’s tons of other Asian girls out there that feel similar, but keep it to themselves because having an argument on the internet is like yelling at a vegetable. I don’t know if you’ve gotten the point yet, but just to reiterate:

You aren’t special

Dating white guys doesn’t mean getting accepted into American culture

Get over yourself.