AMWW Magazine https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com Asian Men & White Women Interracial Dating Resource Mon, 18 Mar 2019 20:36:23 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.1.1 https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/AMWW-icon.png AMWW Magazine https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com 32 32 Texan In Tokyo Guest Blogger: How I Met My Japanese Husband https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/guest/relationship-advice/texan-in-tokyo-guest-blogger-how-i-met-my-japanese-husband/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/guest/relationship-advice/texan-in-tokyo-guest-blogger-how-i-met-my-japanese-husband/#comments Tue, 29 Jul 2014 02:05:35 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=1274

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[Guest blogger Grace from Texan In Tokyo writes in to share her romantic love story of how she met and married her Japanese husband while living abroad in Japan.] 

I never intended to marry a Japanese man.

I tell people this all the time, which just goes to show how messed up this whole “dating scene” really is. I also never intended to get married right out of college, but that’s another can of worms.

Texan In Tokyo

Texan In Tokyo

My first impression of my husband was that he was funny and had a giant mole on the side of his neck… but I didn’t really think anything of it. After a couple awkward encounters in high school, I had a rule – “no dating someone in your circle (school, work, etc).” That way, when you inevitably break up, you won’t have to keep awkwardly running into them on campus/at work.

It wasn’t that difficult to keep my self-imposed “no dating” rule in college – going to a small liberal arts college outside of Philadelphia, I found the dating prospects lacking. I loved travelling and had lived in fourteen cities in three different countries – I was interested in someone who knew that Georgia was both a US state AND a country.

But then I was brushing my teeth in the co-ed bathrooms on the first floor of my dormitory (our dorm was one of the ones on campus with co-ed bathrooms and showers)… and my future husband stepped out of the shower wearing nothing but a small, pink towel wrapped around his hips… and made me re-evaluate that self-imposed “no dating” rule.

Texan In Tokyo

Texan In Tokyo

I got to know him a bit better after that. He was not only a giant goofball with an odd taste in clothes, but was also a fitness fanatic who wanted to run his own NGO by the time he turned 30. I couldn’t think of anything sexier.

I liked him first. He had never dated a white girl; I had never dated an Asian guy. I didn’t really know how to approach him “romantically,” so I just settled for being his “American ambassador,” showing him around campus, and dropping by his room a couple times a week (thankfully, I was on a committee with his roommate, so I always had a valid excuse).

Eventually he wised up and asked me out. He knocked on the door to my room, and I opened it to find him on one knee with a strawberry ring pop and the question “will you be my girlfriend?”

Of course I said yes.

But like I said, I never intended to marry a Japanese man. Actually, I never intended to get married until my early thirties – I had my sights set on an internship with the US Department of State after college, a full time job with the government by 25, marriage by 33, kids by 35, and Ambassador by 45.

Sure, in the back of my mind, when I first said “yes,” I thought it might theoretically be possible that he would whisk me away to Japan for a more simple, beautiful “Happily Ever After” … but I also thought I might be struck by a flaming toilet bowl that broke off a space station and crashed into the earth (I saw it on a TV show a couple years back and couldn’t get it out of my mind).

Love can get in the way of even the most rock-solid, burning ‘career women’ plans. By the time I realized it, I was head over heels.

He proposed on our one year anniversary. We got married on our two year anniversary, in a rustic ceremony in Texas. Afterwards, we moved to Tokyo together.

I started my blog “Texan in Tokyo,” where I drew comics and blogged about daily life as the white wife of a Japanese businessman. I wrote about us being broke newlyweds, about us being an interracial and intercultural couple, and about me being a freelancer in a foreign country.

My blog took off.

Texan In Tokyo Comic 01

Texan In Tokyo Comic 01

In the last six months, I’ve had 1,000,000 page views, which prompted me to write my first comic book, “My Japanese Husband Thinks I’m Crazy: The Comic Book.

I’m self-publishing it through a kickstarter campaign. It’s a great book for people who have been in an AMWW relationship, who have lived in Japan, or who have worked as a freelancer abroad.

 

Texan In Tokyo Comic 02

Texan In Tokyo Comic 02

Sometimes I have to laugh and think “what happened…?”

One minute I was halfheartedly offering to show the exchange students around campus (because I wanted a chance to apply for that student-job opening at the study abroad office), the next think I knew, I was ‘casually’ dropping by my future husband’s door, checking if he needed any help with class work.

 

Life isn’t anything like I thought it would be. But then again, it never is.

The most important thing is that I’m married to my best friend, a clever, funny, terrifically sexy Asian man who makes me want to be a better person.

He encouraged me to start writing my blog “Texan in Tokyo,” where I draw comics and blog about daily life as the white wife of a Japanese businessman.

Texan In Tokyo Comic 03

Texan In Tokyo Comic 03

And now, two years later, I am excited to announce that I am publishing my first book “My Japanese Husband Thinks I’m Crazy: The Comic Book” on kickstarter.com. Check it out to pick up a PDF or signed copy of the book!

Also, don’t forget to check out my blog, “Texan in Tokyo” and my Facebook page!

 

Texan In Tokyo

Texan In Tokyo

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Are Asian Men Ugly? Racist Backlash Over Singer Lorde’s Asian Beau https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/relationship-advice/are-asian-men-ugly-racist-backlash-over-singer-lordes-asian-beau/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/relationship-advice/are-asian-men-ugly-racist-backlash-over-singer-lordes-asian-beau/#comments Wed, 15 Jan 2014 16:00:46 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=1227

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asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweThese days, I haven’t been on Facebook much (as some of you may already know), but there is the occasional post that catches my eye. About a week or so ago, I came across this in my newsfeed. In a nutshell, there’s a new indie pop artist named Lorde who is being ridiculed (along with her boyfriend) by a handful of users on Twitter because they think she called Justin Bieber and One Direction ugly. The focus is not that she called the guys ugly, but that – get ready for this – her boyfriend is Asian and she’s chosen him over a carbon copy of a Western pop idol.

I’ll be perfectly honest – I had no idea who these people were when I first read this article. A little research showed me that Lorde is a singer/song-writer from New Zealand who is most famous for her fairly recent hit single “Royals.” Born in 1996, she’s not only pretty young, but also new to the indie pop scene, as her hit single was also her first. She has everything going for her to make her a major star in the rising indie pop industry.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

This is the offending AMWF couple in question, Lorde and James Lowe. I don't think they look like the evil people Twitter users are making them out to be, do you?

But she’s also dating an Asian guy, and as it turns out that might be giving her a lot of notoriety for a lot of wrong reasons.

Apparently, little is known about James Lowe, Lorde’s 24 year old Asian beau. It is reported that they had been dating before her rise to fame. He speaks about their relationship in video blogs posted by his sister (twitter handle @thedownlowe), and in general they seem like your average couple.

But enough of all that – why am I weighing in on all this?

I could sit here and say all the same things that everyone else has been saying on the matter – that it’s insanely racist to call him ugly based off the fact that he’s Asian. How they are unfortunate victims of cyberbullying due to the uncommon mixture of race and gender. How their racial dynamics seem to be upsetting absolutely every tween on the planet simply because they think Lorde has an atypical idea of attraction and doesn’t think Liam or Justin are total hotties (newsflash – there’s absolutely NO evidence that Lorde actually called Justin Bieber and the members of 1D ugly).

Personally, I don’t find him handsome either. Look, just because he’s Asian doesn’t mean he gets a free sexy pass. While I’m attracted to Asian guys in general, that doesn’t mean that I’m automatically attracted to ALL Asian guys. I’m not going to lie and say I’m defending him because he’s a babe. He’s just not. He’s geeky, he’s dorky, and he’s overall a 5/10 at BEST.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweBut just because he’s not a hunky Adonis doesn’t mean that other people have license to ridicule him based on his race.

I’m mostly defending them because what I’m attracted to is beyond irrelevant to those two. So what if I don’t like her boyfriend? Who cares? Will they lose sleep because some random girl on the internet isn’t thinking positively of them?

No.

I’m also personally defending them because I went down the same path Lorde is now traveling (without the fame, talent, and glory, of course).

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweAs far as your average hit musician these days, Lorde doesn’t seem to fit the bill. She has publicly stated that David Guetta was “gross,” considers teen pop sensations like Justin Bieber and One Direction to be an inaccurate portrayal of what it is to be a young person, and has an overall distaste for today’s pop image. Her atypical viewpoints are a refreshing change, but they’re also bound to make her some enemies among the teeny bopper bandwagon crowd.

She sums up her feelings in a quote from Interview magazine: “Around the middle of last year I started listening to a lot of rap, like Nicki Minaj and Drake, as well as pop singers like Lana Del Rey. They all sing about such opulence, stuff that just didn’t relate to me—or anyone that I knew. I began thinking, ‘How are we listening to this? It’s completely irrelevant.'”

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweSo how does this pertain to me?

Well… Around her age, I was also disillusioned with “my generation’s” standard of what it meant to be a teenager. Growing up in Utah where everyone is predominately a Caucasian member of the LDS church, my life seemed pretty linear in regard to who I would end up with – a good Mormon boy who happened to be White purely by statistics. The girls who were considered popular went to prom with guys who I found absolutely hideous – the skater boys who looked like a Justin Bieber or One Direction prototypes. They all listened to rap, pop punk, or some other pretty generic-sounding stuff that was all too predictable to me.

Long story short, I became incredibly bored by the monotony that surrounded me.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

I still have a crush on Miyavi!

I don’t think the exoticism of all things Asian is what initially appealed to me – rather, it was the way their ideas and influences seemed to match mine. I found a connection with Visual Kei, a genre within Japanese rock, because… well, the guys were hot. UNBELIEVABLY hot. In my humble opinion.

I started listening to various bands like X-Japan, Miyavi, Dir En Grey, etc., and it seemed like a natural fit for me. I finally felt like something had awoken within me, and I started to seek out the world around me instead of rejecting it completely as I had before.

Asian guys, naturally, came hand in hand with Asian music. I began dating them exclusively, as that was simply all I was (and still am) attracted to. To my surprise, I found a lot of similarities between my upbringing and the cultures I was exposed to from each subsequent boyfriend, such as an importance on education and strong family connections. I became happier, now no longer forced to subject myself to a culture I simply didn’t feel a part of. While I will never be Asian (and have never tried nor claimed to be), I feel more at home within the culture that my Asian boyfriend and I create just by being together.

I can’t speak for Lorde, but I wonder if she felt the same way – was she as disillusioned with her surroundings as I was, forcing her to seek an alternative culture to better fit her likes, beliefs, and opinions? Did that mean rejecting the Western mainstream standard of hip, attractive, and cool?

Maybe.

Or is she just going through a phase, as so many people have (and still) accused me of doing? Will she one day come to her senses and dump this “PSY gone wrong” and date a “handsome” One Direction bandmate?

I doubt it.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweLorde and Lowe aren’t models. I still have yet to hear any of Lorde’s music or watch her videos, but I just don’t think she’s going to be featured on any beauty magazines or beautiful people lists (which are also biased, but that’s an article for another day). They don’t subscribe to the celebrity dating cesspool that is plastered all over gossip magazines, nor do they ever intend to.

But they’re HAPPY, damn it!

Isn’t that enough? Aren’t two people, being totally honest with their emotions and affections and not letting media dictate who they date, allowed to be together even though they’re not the accepted standard of what it means to be attractive? Why must they be subjected to ignorant comments based purely off a crazed devotion to an image – an idea – of what it means to be a teenager? And why should said comments even carry any weight? Why should these opinions matter?

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

Lorde and James Lowe look like average people. Why get so hung up over James's race?

Zhuangzi once said something that I feel applies to this situation:

“Lady Li is considered beautiful in the eyes of men, but when the fish saw her, they plunged into the deep. When the birds saw her, they flew away. Which of these knows what is truly beautiful in the world?”

Asian men are not considered attractive in Western pop culture, but that doesn’t mean they, as a collective group, are unattractive. Just because a standard of beauty exists does not mean it is THE definitive and ONLY standard of beauty. Beauty is simply not universal, but our respect for another individual should be. Lowe has done absolutely nothing to deserve the amount of bullying he has received – he and Lorde being attracted to each other is not a crime.

I admire Lorde for standing her ground and staying true to who she is. I have been down this path for almost a decade now, and all I can say is that it gets better. The people that once demanded I entertain their standard of beauty eventually faded out of my reality and no longer dictate what I like. Instead of listening to irrelevant peers, I listen to my heart. My heart told me a long time ago that it rightly belongs with an Asian man. My Asian man is my standard of beauty – he is the bar by which all other men are judged.

If Lorde’s heart says it belongs with Lowe, then he is the most beautiful person in her world…

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

…and that’s all that should matter.

But until Western culture grows up and realizes that it’s not okay to pick on Asians because they’re perceived as the “model” minority that won’t fight back, we’ll be raising generation after generation of Asian men who are taught to believe from a young age that they don’t deserve desirable women. We will be raising generations of Asian men who are so downtrodden that the only way they’ll ever get married is by relying on their parents to arrange things with a stranger or investing in a professional dating instructor (something that I highly recommend you check out if you’ve already had to live through the racist vitriol; it’s worth the investment).

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that sounds like a very fun or fair world to be in. That’s why I’m proud every day to be fighting the stereotypes and misinformation that flood our society, and that’s why I encourage you to take a stand. Take a stand and say that it is NOT OKAY to expect Asian men to take a backseat.

And hopefully we’ll one day be rewarded with a world where any Asian man can date any woman – of any race – he desires without a second glance.

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Why Showing PDA To Your Asian Boyfriend Is A Public Service Announcement For AMWF Relationships https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/relationship-advice/why-showing-pda-to-your-asian-boyfriend-is-a-public-service-announcement-for-amwf-relationships/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/relationship-advice/why-showing-pda-to-your-asian-boyfriend-is-a-public-service-announcement-for-amwf-relationships/#comments Mon, 22 Jul 2013 15:00:38 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=1191

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PDAs in AMWF relationships can be a tricky situation to handle.

PDAs in AMWF relationships can be a tricky situation to handle.

Hi there! It’s me, huggable Heather, with a topic that needs no real introduction because it’s already “out in the open”: Public displays of affection, or PDAs for short.

You see PDAs everywhere – in the mall, at the movie theater, in the clubs… couples can’t wait to show their love and/or get it on, and they want everyone in their immediate vicinity to notice. Sometimes it’s just a light peck on the cheek or a hug that likes to linger longer. At other times, it’s a full-on make-out session, complete with soft moans and slurping kisses. You, playing the part of the innocent bystander, are now subjected to the very personal scene unfolding in front of you. Depending on the level of the PDA, it can range from unnoticeable or very awkward.

For your average, same-race couple, most passersby wouldn’t bat an eye when encountering their public displays of affection. For many, it seems natural that people of the same race will fall for each other. This is normal – according to the latest US Census, 90% of marriages are same-race. Even most interracial marriages are given the green light these days, especially if you’re in a “blue-state.”

But when it’s an AMWF relationship? Well, all eyes are on us when my Asian boyfriend and I walk around in public together. I doubt it has much to do with who we are as people – of course, it has more to do with the fact that AMWF relationships are more of an oddity than the norm. Unless we’re holding hands or being lovey-dovey with our PDAs in that way couples are, people usually assume we’re friends.

How do I know this? Well, for one, we’ve been asked. Flat out. Just like that. Some lady came up to us and asked if we were together. When I said yes, she complimented us and walked away. It was a little bizarre, but not too uncomfortable. Another instance was when his co-workers thought I was his really clingy friend until they saw us kiss. Whatever the reason is, many people can’t wrap their heads around this AMWF relationship…

…which brings me right back to PDA. I know many, if not the majority, of you will be disgusted, but I consider it a personal duty to engage in copious amounts of public displays of affection with my Asian boyfriend. There are places that are off-limits, like work or near small children, but everywhere else is pretty much fair game.

Why, you may ask?

Because I’m really tired of people seeing the Asian men that I love, especially the one I’m with, as losers that can’t get a date to save their lives. I want Asian men to be seen for what they really are – men capable of being sexy, smart, fashionable, masculine, tough, or anything they deem worthy of being seen as. I want them to make non-Asian men realize that they are a threat in the dating game and can get as many women as any other guy. I want to make women understand that Asian men are just like any other race of men, able to be loved and adored. As my dear friend and amazing actor, Kelvin Han Yee (happily married to his beautiful White wife), says:

Some people like to believe that AMWF relationships don't exist, but a healthy dose of PDAs can change that.

Some people like to believe that AMWF relationships don't exist, but a healthy dose of PDAs can change that.

“We need to see more Asian male/White female public display of affections! It’s more than just making out. It’s a “political action.” Interracial public displays of affection are healthy for society. People need to get used to it. You are a beautiful couple. To see you two together, we are reminded of what a real, working, committed, loving, relationship can be.”

Today, only 1 out of 4 Asian/White couples are AMWF relationships. We are a minority among couples, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be visible. We are a working, living, breathing part of this country, just like any other couple. We deserve to be recognized. We have the privilege to be seen. I know no one is denying us of our rights or taking away our privileges, but even refusing to acknowledge our existence can be frustrating. PDA is, therefore, necessary for couples in AMWF relationships in order to solidify our existence in the minds of the nation and be seen as a normal, viable part of society. It pushes the boundaries of what defines a “typical” relationship and extends to include Asian men. By taking part in PDA with your Asian beau, you not only make AMWF relationships visible, but remind others that Asian men simply exist.

From personal experience, this may be unusual for that special Asian man in your life. The majority of the guys I dated were uncomfortable with the idea of PDA. I get it, I really do. Traditional Confucian ideals and reserved Asian culture aren’t always conducive to makeouts on the subway, so it’s important to not overstep his boundaries with your PDAs. But while I never pushed them too far out of their individual comfort zones, I tried to get away with as much as I could. I would always hold their hand in public or hang onto their arm as we walked. Some were okay with kissing in public, others weren’t. Whatever their limits, I tried to portray to others that we were, in fact, an AMWF relationship – to validate the existence of the man I loved and make sure others saw him.

It's important to not overstep his boundaries with PDAs, but you should still make sure that your Asian man is acknowledged.

It's important to not overstep his boundaries with PDAs, but you should still make sure that your Asian man is acknowledged.

There are other subtle, non-physical PDAs that you can give your guy as well. One example is making sure other people, such as cashiers or servers, are addressing him. I know this sounds strange, but it comes from experience. When in public, I find other White people, for whatever reason, address me before acknowledging him, if they do at all. If you walk into a store together and the sales clerk, either purposefully or subconsciously, fails to greet him or speaks to you when answering his question, point that out. Usually, I just pause and let him do the talking when we are greeted, but if he inquires about something and the clerk speaks to me instead of him, I politely say that I was not the one to ask the question and that they should speak to my boyfriend instead. This does make them take a step back and it may even sound rude, but it reminds them that Asian men are approachable and deserve to be addressed. I call it a public display of affection because you are still displaying your affection – you are giving your Asian man, and by association, all Asian men, more visibility and a chance to be heard.

If that isn’t affection, I don’t know what is.

In my humble opinion – if you love your Asian man, you’ll hold his hand, give him a quick kiss, and maybe even make out with him in public. You’ll make sure others know of his existence. Show the world he’s worth loving. You’ll boost his confidence, self-esteem, and everyone else nearby will be wondering what he did to deserve an amazing woman like you!

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They’re All So Beautiful: Appreciating Race or Just Yellow Fever? https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/interracial-dating-advice/theyre-all-so-beautiful-appreciating-race-or-just-yellow-fever/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/interracial-dating-advice/theyre-all-so-beautiful-appreciating-race-or-just-yellow-fever/#comments Mon, 08 Jul 2013 15:00:02 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=1178

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Yellow Fever--is it just racial appreciation, or is it a full-blown fetish?

Yellow Fever--is it just racial appreciation, or is it a full-blown fetish?

Hello, AMWW readers! The one and only Huggable Heather here with a topic that differs from our typical fanfare – AMWF dating dynamics. I randomly came across an interesting article a while back about a new documentary that seems interesting. Titled “They’re All So Beautiful,” it delves into the ugly side of Asian/White interracial dating relationships – the Asian fetish, or yellow fever.

While I don’t discuss yellow fever much, I do have some personal knowledge on the matter. Recently, I went on a hiking trip with a big group of friends, including my best friend and her boyfriend – an Asian girl/White guy couple. Since I brought along my boyfriend, who is Korean-American, our discussion inevitably led to Asian/White couples and the differences we encounter in interracial dating.

I thoroughly enjoy speaking with my Chinese-American best friend (we’ll call her Jenny) because she provides many interesting interracial dating experiences that are unlike my own AMWF dating experiences. While we have incredibly similar tastes in just about everything, when we go out in public, we are treated very differently. When we’re together, she’s often ignored, or spoken to very slowly, as if she can’t understand English. One person refused to believe she wasn’t Japanese, and kept speaking broken Japanese to her, as if she’d magically be cured of her racial amnesia and be Japanese again.

One of the most important things that has constantly been at the forefront of her mind, especially when it comes to interracial dating, is whether or not she is being fetishized with yellow fever. It’s a real concern for her, and for good reason – she’s been there.

Without divulging too much personal information about Jenny’s life, I’ll break it down for you:

Jenny dated a guy we’ll call Eric for several years before she considered the possibility of him having yellow fever. He only befriended Asian girls. He had a warped sense of beauty and supposed that just about all Asian women were gorgeous. He openly criticized “American” (White) women for being fake, shallow, and overall less feminine than his beloved Asian women.

This might be a spoof ad, but the sad fact remains that there REALLY ARE men out there who have a poorly-disguised fetish for Asian women.

This might be a spoof ad, but the sad fact remains that there REALLY ARE men out there who have a poorly-disguised fetish for Asian women.

In sum, he assumed all Asian women acted a certain way, believed in all the stereotypes surrounding them, and let that dictate how he chose a mate.  He was exclusively interested in interracial dating–to the point that he had a raging case of yellow fever. Jenny eventually broke up with him and has happily moved on with a guy who has a healthier outlook on Asian women (without putting down White women).

Readers, there is a real difference between finding specific physical features about a race attractive when participating in interracial dating and letting stereotypes dictate your attraction with raging yellow fever. If you think an Asian girl/guy is hot because they have an awesome smile, good facial structure, and beautiful eyes, then that’s not necessarily fetishizing them. After all, how many men out there prefer blondes with big boobs and blue eyes? How many women want someone tall, dark, and handsome? AMWF dating and being attracted to someone with a button nose and mono-lids falls into that category. It’s not necessarily shallow – how many people do a double-take while in the mall or at the club, checking out “dat personality”? To some degree, we all want someone who is physically attractive to us, and if another race has certain features that are appealing, it’s not inherently racist.

HOWEVER-

If you like all Asian girls because they are supposed to be soft-spoken, shy, and think your penis is big, you are in it for the wrong reasons; you have yellow fever. If you think they belong on a pedestal as your porcelain “China doll”, you are fetishizing and objectifying an entire race of women. If you put down White women in your quest for Asian pussy, you are not only insulting your Caucasian cohorts but the Asian women you profess to love as well.

True love doesn’t start with a poor attempt at interracial dating laced with yellow fever and implied lines like “I hate my own race’s women… hey baby, how you doin’?”

So… how to navigate away from these types of men?

Sometimes yellow fever goes TOO far, to the point of reducing Asian women to little more than easily purchased commodities.

Sometimes yellow fever goes TOO far, to the point of reducing Asian women to little more than easily purchased commodities.

Jenny didn’t realize Eric had yellow fever until years after they started dating. She began to wonder when she noticed all his friends were Asian women – some with flawless English, others with no grasp whatsoever, and everything in between. She started wondering if any Asian girl would do it for him, regardless of their personality. She felt more and more neglected when he steadily invested more time and money into his “friends”, buying them expensive gifts and talking to them for long periods of time. Whenever she complained about these girls, he always reassured her by saying “I talk to them about you and how much I love you.” It was as if he needed constant attention from any Asian woman and did everything in his power to maintain those relationships. Jenny felt him becoming increasingly more distant as the months went on – the signs were always there, but it wasn’t so obvious at the time.

When Jenny finally broke up with Eric, he ran away to Taiwan and married another Asian girl within a few months. Talk about investment in interracial dating!

Chances are, if you’re reading this, you aren’t an Asian girl. But this article is dedicated to all the Jennys out there. You are more than “just an Asian girl”. You have interests, hobbies, feelings, and experiences that make you unique. You may have some personality traits that fall into the “stereotypical Asian” category. You may not. Either way, that doesn’t make you a “stereotypical Asian” – it just makes you shy, or soft-spoken, or a good student, or whatever that stereotype is and doesn’t mean you deserve to be fetishized with yellow fever. It doesn’t need to be a reflection of your race, but a reflection of you as an individual; a culmination of your life experiences. I want you to cultivate an idea of self-worth and individuality that doesn’t rely solely on “being Asian”. I firmly believe that, while being Asian/Asian-American is a part of you and who you are, it is not everything about you. Armed with this truth that you, as an individual, are worthy of a partner that cares for the person that you are and not the race you represent, you will have an easier time avoiding the “Erics” in life and finding a man that respects you – whatever his race may be.

We all love Asian men, but we can't expect every single one to be a clone of Taeyang.

We all love Asian men, but we can't expect every single one to be a clone of Taeyang.

For those of us in the AMWF dating community, we need to be aware of this as well and make sure we don’t become an “Eric”. If you like Asian guys and love interracial dating, please remember that they’re all individuals, just like you. They’re not one big group of dancing, singing Taeyangs. They’re not a mass of suave, sweet Lee Min Hos. They are unique human beings, and their experiences, not necessarily their race, have shaped who they are. Do not seek them out to fulfill the void left in your life by yellow fever.

But what do I know? I’m just some blonde White girl, right?

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The New Alexandra Wallace: 10 Reasons I’d Hate to Be Racist Samuel Hendrickson on Facebook https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/alice-zindagi/featured/the-new-alexandra-wallace-10-reasons-id-hate-to-be-racist-samuel-hendrickson-on-facebook/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/alice-zindagi/featured/the-new-alexandra-wallace-10-reasons-id-hate-to-be-racist-samuel-hendrickson-on-facebook/#comments Fri, 08 Mar 2013 23:00:38 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=1134

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Hello, AMWW readers! Alice Zindagi here with the latest news on anti-Asian internet “stars.” Oops, they did it again!

Earlier this week I was shown a link to a YouTube video touted as the “new” Alexandra Wallace. You can find commentary on the original video below, as YouTube keeps removing copies of the video itself (thankfully).

 

 

I had figured (or rather hoped) that with the international aftermath resulting from Alexandra Wallace’s infamous racist rant “Asians in the Library,” perhaps the racist people out there would have learned a lesson and saved themselves the trouble. I thought that maybe, just maybe, they would keep their mouths shut or at the very least off the internet.

Perhaps my hopes were too lofty.

Seriously, what's with white guys and Asian penis?

Seriously, what's with white guys and Asian penis?

If anything, this new character Samuel Hendrickson makes Alexandra Wallace look like half a saint. His four-and-a-half minute video, originally posted on his now-defunct Facebook page, details ten reasons why he says he’d hate to be Asian, ranging from “all Asians look alike” to “sushi sucks.” Naturally, he didn’t fail to mention Asian penises.

(Seriously, why do white guys have this obsession with Asian penis? Y U JELLY BRO?)

While I do look forward to watching one of the many parody videos that are bound to crop up, it’s incidents like this that almost make me ashamed to be white. This mess caused me to  facepalm with such epic proportions that I nearly gave myself a concussion.

As I recuperate from my self-induced whiplash at the utter stupidity of some YouTubers and Facebookers, sit back and enjoy my take on the ten reasons Samuel Hendrickson would hate to be Asian with these ten reasons why I’d hate to be him right now (find his original list here):

Athiwara "Toon" Khongmalai, lead singer of Thai rock group Bodyslam, and NOT a clone of Taeyang.

Athiwara "Toon" Khongmalai, lead singer of Thai rock group Bodyslam, and NOT a clone of Taeyang.

1. I would hate to have cataract surgery. Because if Samuel Hendrickson thinks all Asians look alike, he clearly needs it. Both Toon Khongmalai and Taeyang get my rocks off, but I challenge anyone who isn’t blind to mistake them for each other.

2. I would hate to force myself to date someone I don’t like. Samuel is somehow under the impression that Asian men are required to date Asian women and that he’d suffer this indignity if he was Asian. My Asian boyfriend begs to differ.

3. I would hate to work in a cubicle for the rest of my life. Forget about the fact that Asian men have the highest salaries in the United States while busy in their sweatshops, what about those poor white people sweating it away in cubicles like Samuel Hendrickson?

4. I would hate to ruin my job opportunities for years to come. In a roundabout way, Samuel has just admitted to the entire world how much he enjoys illegal drugs. Unless we manage to resurrect Pablo Escobar, I don’t foresee any lucrative careers in Samuel’s future.

5. I would hate to have the world’s top-paying careers closed off to me. Some Asians really do suck at math. Some are really good at it.  But if poor little Samuel Hendrickson doesn’t want to face the pressure of being bad at math, he’s going to have to face the harsh reality that eighteen of the top twenty highest-paying jobs are closed off due to his lack of calculus.

Samuel Hendrickson's "celebrity" status.

Samuel Hendrickson's "celebrity" status.

6. I would hate to be a celebrity. If Samuel is such an expert on what makes you a name-brand in show business, he must be a celebrity of some kind himself, right? Clearly he has some kind of expert authority in this matter and must be loved by millions of people. Samuel Hendrickson: Wonder of the World!

7. I would hate to die of cancer. Several studies have linked taller statures like Samuel Hendrickson’s to a greater risk of cancer. This is bad news for Korean guys, who (GASP!) have a similar average height to men in Western nations.

8. I would hate to eat biscuits and gravy for the rest of my life. Because that’s what white people like to eat, right? Man, that sure would get boring after a while. Alright, alright, I’ll allow Samuel a BigMac every three months.

9. I would hate to be obsessed with another man’s penis. Why is it that racist white guys like Samuel LOVE talking about Asian penis? It’s a completely false assumption that Asian men are somehow “less gifted” sexually than other races. I exclusively date Asian men. Granted, I haven’t sampled every single Asian man, but Asian men have never left me unsatisfied.

Samuel Hendrickson and company showing off their ignorance.

Samuel Hendrickson and company showing off their ignorance.

10. I would hate to have such a narrow library of porn. I won’t deny that most Asian countries censor their porn to some degree, but if Samuel Hendrickson thinks that you’re limited to one kind of porn and one kind only based upon your race, I feel sorry for his imagination and for his right hand.

Copies of the original Facebook video that Samuel posted have been taken off of YouTube due to Terms of Service violations regarding hate speech, but numerous other copies can be found simply by googling his name. I hate to break it to you, buddy, but this kind of thing isn’t going to disappear any time soon and will probably come back to haunt you when you apply for a job. Samuel has also deactivated his Facebook page, which was probably a very wise choice considering the “I hate Samuel Hendrickson” fanmail he probably got.

I understand that this video was allegedly posted as a joke and that no harm was intended, but I have to question at what point we stop calling these things “jokes” and start recognizing them for the blatant and hurtful racism that they really are. First there was Alexandra Wallace, who faced numerous death threats and was forced to transfer schools. Then there was the racist UCLA graffiti that’s bound to result in expulsions. THEN there was the racist, Asian-themed kegger at Duke.

I hope Samuel Hendrickson stops and thinks before letting his friends post on his Facebook.

I hope Samuel Hendrickson stops and thinks before letting his friends post on his Facebook.

AND NOW WE HAVE SAMUEL HENDRICKSON.

When does it stop? More than 50% of Asian children are the targets of racial bullying in this country and I find it depressing that there are still people who think disgusting behavior like Samuel Hendrickson’s is okay, even in jest. I’m glad to see that Samuel has recognized his error and made public apologies, but I can’t help questioning whether he’s genuinely sorry or if he’s just sorry because he got caught.

Samuel, I implore you: please think before you post something on the internet in the future. You’ve thrown an entire race of people under the bus. You’ve made yourself the target of what is bound to be severe backlash. You, in a moment of ignorance, may have completely trashed your own future if and when you attempt to move beyond your “self employed” (read: unemployed) status.

If Alexandra Wallace wasn’t a lesson enough to people with anti-Asian bias that spewing such vitriol isn’t the most intelligent idea, then I hope in some small corner of my mind that Samuel Hendrickson manages to teach that lesson. If anything, the consequences of his hurtful and racist remarks might serve as a warning to the next racist white person with a webcam. Let’s cross our fingers.

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Empowered Men are Supported by Real Women https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/interracial-dating-advice/empowered-men-are-supported-by-real-women/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/interracial-dating-advice/empowered-men-are-supported-by-real-women/#comments Wed, 26 Dec 2012 21:14:22 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=974

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Empowered men are always backed by real, genuine, and caring women. Empowered me have no time or resources for gold diggers and low value women.

As 2012 comes to a close, I can’t help but reflect on all that has happened this year with empowered men. I accomplished many of my long-term goals (including finishing my research on interracial marriage), took bold, exciting turns in my life and even met someone special 🙂 Overall, I couldn’t have asked for a more dramatic, adventurous and tumultuous year, and the good definitely outweighed the bad.  I learned so much about empowered men like JT Tran and ABCs of Attraction, and how empowered men are supported by REAL women

I’ve also put a lot of thought into AMWW magazine over the past few months. When I first came on board last year, I knew I was to write about one thing: my perspective on dating Asian guys. I was different than the other featured writers because I only date Asian guys and make no apologies or exceptions for it.  I

When Asian guys hear this, many want to pick my brain and figure out what makes me tick…or flirt. Shamelessly. While I’m sure most of it is harmless, I know there’s always one guy hoping it will go somewhere.  These are not empowered men that I will support.

I’m here to say that I don’t want that for you, my dear Asian male readers.

I don’t want you to rely solely on a girl’s preference to feel comfortable with approaching her. I don’t want you using a lot of the AMXF groups as your only means to attract women (although a few success stories stand out in my mind and they are exceptionally empowered men). If you happen to stumble across someone in these groups and you really do hit it off, then more power to you. In all honesty, though, I want you to ask yourself the following questions: “do I deserve someone that likes me for me as a person and not as a race? Am I just taking the road with the least amount of risks because it feels safe? Could I actually be with someone that I chose vs. someone that chose me?”

LIke JT Tran says, "If you want the woman of your dreams, you have to become the man of hers!"

Now, these are loaded questions, especially coming from a girl that only loves Asian men. But that’s just it – I love you guys. I really do. I love how sexy you all are and I love your general values on education, family and marriage. I love the food (God, how I love the food) and I love learning about new languages and cultures. Most importantly, though, I love it when you feel empowered. I love it when you feel like you own the room and everyone in it. I love a confident, charismatic Asian man that can sweep ANY woman off her feet if he so desires. I want you all to convert other women over to the yellow side. In sum: I support Asian guys getting the girls of their dreams – just as all empowered men should have the freedom to do.

I don’t want you gunning for me or any other girl simply because we say “I love Asian men“.

Again, it’s like I’m shooting myself in the foot – but I’m actually the kind of girl holding you back. Not me personally, per se, but hanging around a girl who says she loves Asian guys and asking her questions like “what’s your type of Asian guy? Japanese, Chinese, Korean…” and “do you like kpop?” is going to get you really far with her…into her friendzone.

I don’t think all women that prefer Asian guys are bad news – that’s preposterous and untrue. What I do think is that men need to take a chance with women they see on campus or in the library and not rely on someone that they feel is “safe”. Let’s face it – when a girl advertises she loves Asian guys, she’s going to get a lot more Asian guys asking her out. An Asian guy may feel he has an increased chance with her.

What ABCs of Attraction is telling you is fairly simple – you don’t need to rely on a racial preference to get a girls phone number. You only need to rely on yourself and becoming a part of empowered men.

Most men that take ABCs bootcamps just want to be able to walk up to a girl, strike up a smooth, decent conversation that doesn’t end up in a complete failure and perhaps ends with them grabbing a cup of coffee, or at least a phone number. Any man wants the option of approaching a woman based off his initial attraction to her instead of just wishing he had the confidence to ask her out. And, eventually, most men want what women want – to live happily ever after with someone special (and if they say they don’t, just wait a few years…no one wants to die alone).

ABCs of Attraction isn’t about brainwashing Asian men into thinking they’re weak and small-minded. Au contraire – ABCs of Attraction is about empowerment for Asian men. Let me repeat that – EMPOWERED MEN (ASIAN).

Asian men are POWERFUL.

Asian men are as POWERFUL as any other race of man.

Asian men are as POWERFUL as they allow themselves to be.

We are just as powerful as men of other races, and can get ANYTHING we truly desire and work towards

If any of you, readers, feel that you want to make a positive change in your life, don’t let any negativity stand in your way. Learn a new skill. Take up a different hobby. Go water-skiing. Sky-diving. Horseback-riding. Scuba-diving. Whatever.

Just do something that makes you feel empowered.

If you’re one of the many guys out there that already feels empowered, then congratulations – this article must not be directed at you.

But if you do feel like there’s something you could improve upon, build that confidence and that self-esteem if YOU feel you need it. Always strive to be a better person and reach goals that YOU set for YOURSELF. Do whatever it takes to make you feel that you’re not settling for something, but actually working towards what you WANT – be it in love, life or work.

You only get one shot at life – make it count.

 

Huggable Heather, signing out! Thanks for reading!

 

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Female Body Issues That Arise When Dating Asian Men https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/interracial-dating-advice/female-body-issues-that-arise-when-dating-asian-men/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/interracial-dating-advice/female-body-issues-that-arise-when-dating-asian-men/#comments Fri, 21 Dec 2012 23:34:04 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=282

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female body issuesFemale body issues: The most ironic thing about me dating only Asian guys, I feel, is my body type. At 5’9”, 150 lbs and hips to spare, I don’t think I’m the kind of girl Asian guys typically go for, resulting in some female body issues. Before I get called out for stereotyping or generalizing, I do have my reasons and experiences, even with female body issues. For every Asian guy that does come forward and say that hips are sexy, there are at least ten of them that expect a less curvaceous figure from me. While there are some Asian guys that don’t mind if the girl is taller, there are so many more that are turned-off by my height. I know that there are those out there that don’t care about my weight (which is actually normal for 5’9”), but there are multitudes that would rather not weigh less than their dating partner.  These are just a few female body issues that arise for a girl like me.

To be honest, though, I’ve come to accept my body and get over my female body issues, even though it took a few years. I finally like who I am – curves, height and all. I’m not afraid to wear high heels and I’ve come to tolerate my hips. I don’t know where it came from, but I started realizing my self-esteem depended on me and what I liked about myself, not what others liked about me. I became more confident, comfortable, and content with not only my female body issues, but Asian guys in general.

So, how does this help anyone else?

A common complaint I hear is height, or the lack thereof. Being kind of tall myself, I can appreciate it when a girl wants a taller man. I’ve given it a lot of thought over the years and decided it’s because the feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man’s embrace is wonderfully soothing, not exactly female body issues. For whatever reason, that has come to be associated with height, and thus, girls vocalize that desire by looking for guys taller than them.

It could be just me, but I think how tall a person is has little to do with their height and more to do with how they carry themselves.

Take, for example, my first boyfriend. At 5’5”, I was taller than him by four inches, and I’m sure we got stares for that difference. It was a rare occurrence for me to think of him as shorter, however, because he made his presence known. He had perfect posture, high self-esteem, and amazing confidence. My memories of him reflect this; I even remember him either at eye-level or taller. I doubt he fully understood how he came across to me, but height is and never will be an issue for him.

female body issues

Some women just want the soothing feeling of being protected and totally enveloped by a man's embrace. It's not just (if at all) female body issues.

Another guy made it clear early on that he would never tell me his weight. I knew I weighed more than him, and he had a somewhat petite build, but his stature, or the way he carried himself, generally made me feel smaller than him. Even looking at pictures where we’re standing side by side, he looks bigger than me. He even appears taller than me, and I had at least an inch on him. I wasn’t slouching or sucking in – he just had that confidence about himself, knowing that how his body was and how he felt about it shouldn’t have any impact on how he felt about mine. That made me more comfortable just being with him; I didn’t have to worry about him thinking things like “she has bigger legs than me,” or “I wear smaller pants than she does.” I knew that it didn’t matter to him, which made me like him so much more.

What both of these guys had in common is that they were both comfortable with who they were; they both also had dominant styles when talking to me – they were not timid, not by a long shot, as is crucial when trying to make a connection on a more physical level I found myself more attracted to them simply by the way they carried themselves. Their personalities made them seem bigger and taller to me, regardless of my own female body issues.

I understand that everyone has their type. It’s entirely possible some men only like women shorter than them, or with small hips and a boyish figure. Maybe there are those out there that don’t have a real preference, but see a taller or bigger-build girl and think that they’re unapproachable due to body issues on both ends. My advice to that is simple: stop this unnecessary comparison. Eliminate this insecurity of female body issues from the mind. Confidence can help a girl see past female body issues of a potential height difference, but even if she doesn’t get past female body issues, all that’s lost is few minutes wasted on someone not worth the time.

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Asian Men – 10 Signs She’s Head over Heels for Asian Men https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/jt-tran/interracial-dating-advice/asian-men-10-signs-shes-head-over-heels-for-asian-men/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/jt-tran/interracial-dating-advice/asian-men-10-signs-shes-head-over-heels-for-asian-men/#comments Wed, 19 Dec 2012 23:29:04 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=501

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For all the Asian Men: I receive thousands of emails and questions from fans and Asian men, and one of the most predominate things asked is: “How do I know if she’s interested in dating Asian men specifically?”

Is she showing me an Indicator of Interest? Or here's a better question, why should I care if it is or isn't?

Is she showing me an Indicator of Interest? Or here's a better question, why should I care if it is or isn't?

 

I know the technical answer but I’m always hesitant because, on a holistic level, it’s not empowering to Asian men as a whole. I believe that the thousands of men that email me with this question are displaying what is called “learned helplessness” and will only make a move on women that distinctly display more forward dating behavior and turn into the beta male. I will answer this question, but by doing so, I am doing a disservice to Asian men because they will only look for this behavior and not talk to other women. As you can see, I am a very average looking man. I’m 5’5” and not in the best shape. Every woman I’ve dated is physically if not socially out of my league. I never get those kind of indicators. You should never expect them.

On one of my many flights I encountered a beautiful blonde knockout – she was head to toe gorgeous, gregarious and…a bit daunting. Nevertheless, she took me a little by surprise because she made verbal indicators of interest to me that made it very clear that she liked Asian men. Here is a list of some of the things she (and other women in the past) have done to let me know they want a samurai in shining armor:
She has “Asian-Dating Experience”: She will say that she has dated an Asian man before. She will make this point and even further – she will try to guess your ethnicity to show that she’s “learned in the ways of Asian men” and can prove that “not all of you look the same.” There have been times where I can’t obviously prove it, but she’ll say she’s dated a man of my ethnicity to make her seem more appealing to me.

Watch out! These girls may cage you and take you hostage!

She has Asian friends: Her best friend is Chinese. Her college roommate was Korean. She lived next door to a Cambodian family. Even if they don’t have these experiences they’ll say they have some sort of Asian acceptance to make her seem more receptive. They’ll use the most random things as well; a really random story I’ve heard is how one girl’s delivery room doctor was Asian, so since she was “born into the arms of an Asian man” she should “die in the arms of an Asian man as well.” The point is, they are trying to form some sort of connection.

She “knows” an Asian language: Maybe you’ve seen this type – they put Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. under “languages you know” on Facebook even though they really only know how to order pho. For these loquacious ladies, I propose a tip – every woman wants to be cultured. You, as a comso man of the world, are going to teach her a phrase in your language. Here’s an example for you Chinese speakers. First, act very serious and say something like “Let me teach you something. You’ll find this useful in the far reaches in my country. Say this: Wo yao ni de jiba!” and make her repeat it. She’ll ask “what did I say?” And you’ll say “You just said ‘I want your cock.’” But then go from playful to romantic. After she laughs off her embarrassment, use your phases to compliment her. Teach her “Wo hao xi huan ni de xiao” and, after she repeats it, she’ll ask again. You’ll say “it means ‘I really like your laugh.’” And she’ll laugh again. Keep going but turn it from playful to romantic. “You have beautiful eyes,” or “Your smile is amazing,” are flirtatious phrases shrouded in a learning experience. Girls who have had the pleasure of this situation tell me it’s unique and something they’ve never forgotten. Be sure to utilize it if you know your mother tongue!

Let's be honest here, what woman will resist this delicious delicacy?

She loves Asian food: Be it sushi, Korean BBQ or Pho, she is an Asian food “connoisseur.” If this comes up, use visual imagery to paint a picture in her mind that appeals to all five senses. The sweet taste of jasmine rice, the aroma of a steaming bowl of pho, the appealing colors of nigiri sushi, the crackling sound of cooking your own Korean BBQ, and the cold, soft texture of delicious sashimi are stimulating and even arousing topics. Why, you ask? Because speaking of food like this is sensual…just like sex. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? It applies to beautiful women too.

She loves Happas: They’ll typically make a comment on how interracial babies are beautiful. You can bring this up as well. “Just think…if you and get married and we had a litter of interracial puppies…can you imagine how beautiful they would be?” It plays into her fantasy. Just as we men have sexual fantasies, women have “family fantasies.” They’ll deny it and push it out of their minds to stay emotionally detached, but keep in mind that, by the end of this or any conversation you have with a female interested in you, she’s already imagined your future life and family…just as you’ve imagined sleeping with her.

She Has Input on Your Nation of Ancestry: Even if she has no concrete plans, she’ll express her desires to go there. With the Japanese tsunami, she’ll express sympathy – do not take this as generalizing, she’s just trying to reach out to you. Play into these fantasies when you can. Paint a picture about going on a vacation together. Start with romantic depictions of you doing things together, then progress to sensual and end up with sexual. We have to open that door first through verbal imagery progression. Surfing to walking hand in hand sipping on margaritas and coconuts then you’re rolling around in the sand kissing. Use her desire to your advantage.

She likes video games and anime? Most likely she has yellow fever!

She’s a gamer or anime-lover: They express interest in anime and gaming. I’ve always found this group of women to be…how shall I say, unattractive. If she likes them, fair game, that’s up to her. If she’s talking about how Akira’s going to be whitewashed then she’s trying to relate to you. The latter kind of woman wants to impress you with her knowledge of the “Asian male plight.” She’s hoping to get you to a point where you say something to the effect of “that is so amazing how much you understand!” Watch for that and indulge her.

She loves Asian music: Kpop, Jrock, dramas and movies – this kind of girl is infatuated with the Hollywood of the East. They’re probably younger and more attractive, as this is a relatively new phenomenon, but because there’s no representation of SE Asians then she may not go for you if you’re, say, Cambodian or Viet. I’m not saying it won’t happen, but I can’t ever think of a time I was successful with this kind of girl despite my PUA mastery. Sometimes, she just simply will not have anything less than a BIGBANG boyfriend.

She enjoys martial arts: I’ve never witnessed this personally but one of my clients is a former NA martial arts champ and he’s currently pretty famous action director and stuntman. He’s written to me on several occasions about the groupies that follow him and people in his circuit – a plentiful selection of physically fit and attractive women are constantly at his discretion. If she mentions Nam Pham or Manny Pacquiao…ding ding ding! You have a winner!

She’ll compliment your Asian attributes: Be it your eyes, hair, or skin tone, she’s going to love them and let you know it at some point in the conversation. Take her up on it when she does by putting your forearm up to hers, or if you feel more comfortable or if the conversation is going well, take her hand to point out the contrasting tones. Intangible things like intelligence, family, work ethic, second language are not uncommon topics either. Women learn through encouragement while men learn through challenge (if you tell a girl she looks sexy in that dress, she’ll probably wear it again). Just as we were little boys, we do melt under the praise of a beautiful woman. When she praises my accomplishments such as education or that knowledge of a second language, she’s trying to help me learn.

In the long run, what I’ve discovered with women that specifically that like Asian men are either relationship material or sugar daddies. They’ll enjoy being there, but be careful because you’ll get tied down quickly with a girl that chose you; not a girl you chose. If you haven’t had the chance to play around then I’d save these girls for later – after all, you’re here to learn pick up, and quitting the game early isn’t fair to yourself and to the many women you have yet to meet.

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Movie Review: Shanghai Kiss https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/guest/reviews/movie-review-shanghai-kiss/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/guest/reviews/movie-review-shanghai-kiss/#comments Tue, 18 Dec 2012 23:00:50 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=1001

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As a little girl, I often listened to my classmates discuss their music and movie crushes and the plans to one day marry them in huge weddings with dozens of photographers and celebrities present. First it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas, then it was the Backstreet Boys, then it was Leonardo DiCaprio. I always felt different and left out. For some reason (perhaps because most of my male classmates and my first crush were Chinese.  I’m still longing for an AMWF romance here!) I just never found myself desirous of the same people that my classmates drooled over, as I just wanted an AMWF romanceI thought white guys looked strange. Aside from Mulan’s ever-delicious Shang, I never really found any male characters who piqued my interest.

When a friend told me about Shanghai Kiss and the AMWF relationship in it, I was skeptical at first. I’d seen Hiroshima Mon Amour and Anna and the King, but neither one was terribly modern and I couldn’t relate to them. I hadn’t yet seen an AMWF relationship that felt believable to me, one that I could have seen myself in. But then as I started watching Shanghai Kiss I was a bit more hopeful. Ken Leung was good-looking and I recognized Hayden Panettiere from her spitfire Remember the Titans days. Ken Leung I did not quite so readily recognize until I watched Rush Hour the next day; he plays the part of an evil henchman and has had minor successes since then (Law and Order, Lost, Saw).

Panettiere and Leung were phenomenal choices for the characters of Liam Liu and Adelaide Bourbon. They worked very well together right from the start and even their dialogue didn’t seem forced, which is often a problem for movies billed as romantic comedies. Leung’s Liam Liu comes across as awkward and unsure of himself, whereas Panettiere’s Adelaide is almost nauseatingly bubbly. Two completely opposite character types, and yet I found myself wanting to see them succeed as a couple. I thought that I was going to get to watch the development of a believable AMWF relationship that would finally put away my girlhood belief that I was strange for having fallen madly in love with a Chinese boy when I was eight.

That is… Until it became clear that Adelaide was only sixteen and Liam was in his late twenties. That’s right, this “romantic comedy” is not made with the typical recipe of two thirty-somethings realizing their differences and coming together in an amusing fashion. In fact, after the initial scenes I was left wondering how Shanghai Kiss could have been billed as a romantic comedy at all. It looked to me like Adelaide was seriously crushing on the cool, older guy and he was just humoring her because she made for interesting company. The age difference was a recurring joke throughout the movie, references to potential jail time included.

It quickly became apparent that Shanghai Kiss was less about Liam and Adelaide’s questionable friendship and more about Liam’s development as a man. Liam was forced to leave behind the bubbly and overattached Adelaide for a trip to Shanghai. By this point in the movie it had become apparent that Liam was trying to distance himself from his heritage as much as humanly possible, so it came as no surprise to me that he left for Shanghai only for the potential monetary benefit and not because he actually wanted anything to do with his family.

It’s common knowledge that not every first-generation American connects well with his or her culture and upbringing, and I cannot personally really fault someone for not growing up fobby like his parents. Liam is so far from anything Shanghainese that I would have believed you if you told me he was adopted by white people as a child. That being said, when it came time for Liam’s Shanghai trip I had gone from loving his character and wanting to see him succeed to really despising him and telling myself that I wasn’t surprised he was so unsuccessful in life. I thought that he was lazy, incompetent, inconsiderate, the epitome of stereotypical American behavior when confronted with unfamiliar and foreign situations.

Shanghai Kiss - Direct to DVD, but Hayden Panderette is slammin' hot, AND there's an AMWF Romance!

But his initially stereotypical American-type behavior forms the basis for the beauty of his character’s development. I don’t want to delve into too many details and ruin the movie, but Liam’s time in Shanghai transforms him from the typical, rude American tourist that I want to hate into a character that I am again rooting for. He makes a few completely selfless decisions that will entirely change people’s lives, decisions that I’m not sure I could have made myself if I were in that situation. The rude American stereotype probably has a very good reason for existing, but it’s refreshing to see that turnaround.

Adelaide does eventually find her way back into the story and back into Liam’s life, but not in the way that I would have hoped. Despite their age difference, I had hoped to see more development in the Liam/Adelaide relationship than I was given. I’m left with more questions than answers. Liam finally realizes the error of his ways and wants to help other people realize their dreams, but what about his own? After everything is said and done, who is Adelaide and what does she mean to him? It’s refreshing to see a movie where it is the white character who is the accessory to the Asian star and not the other way around, but I want to see Liam and Adelaide develop into something substantial. The moviegoer is left seeing the beginnings of what may or may not develop into a friendship, a relationship, or who knows what else.

I have to give Shanghai Kiss four out of five joss sticks simply because of that. I love that it’s the Asian man who is finally the star. I love that he actually shows development of character and doesn’t remain as some shallow, stereotypical bit part. I love that he is shown as some average man who isn’t restricted to Asian women. I especially love that I am able to watch an Asian male character in a modern setting who I could reasonably become interested in if I were to see him in the streets of my native Atlanta… but I want to see more than I am given. I feel like the movie ended far too soon for me to get what I wanted out of the story.

I highly recommend the movie as it’s a rare piece of genuinely positive character development, but be prepared to feel like things have been left short.

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How to Introduce Your Asian Boyfriend and Your Family https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/relationship-advice/how-to-introduce-your-asian-boyfriend-and-your-family/ https://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/heather/relationship-advice/how-to-introduce-your-asian-boyfriend-and-your-family/#comments Fri, 14 Dec 2012 23:00:20 +0000 http://www.asianmanwhitewoman.com/?p=971

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Hey Readers, it’s huggable Heather again with advice for all the ladies! A question I commonly get from all sides is about parents – his parents, her parents, my parents and your parents. Today’s topic is, “How to Introduce Your Asian Boyfriend and Your Family!”  While I already addressed meeting his parents in another article, I’d like to take a moment and talk about how you can bring your new Asian boyfriend back to the family and knock everybody’s socks off.

Your family shouldn't be running a background check on your new guy, but it might be wise to mention a few key points ahead of time, to avoid embarrassing questions.

1) Pre-emptive strikes:

I found myself doing this in general when I would talk about an Asian boyfriend to my family, but it’s best clear some air between him and your family before he walks in the door. One question that is generally unavoidable is “so…what kind of Asian are you?” pretty much within an hour of introductions. To make this a little less awkward, I tell everyone about where he was born, if he speaks a second language, when he moved here, and any other Asian-related things about him before they meet him. That way they don’t ask him directly and come off as nosy or cause him to feel uncomfortable.

Another thing you can do before he meets the family is prepare him. Granted, the point of your man meeting the family is to connect two parts of your life in the most natural, organic manner possible, but sometimes a little help goes a long way. Tell him things he can do or say that may give him a leg up in your family and be more accepted. One weird thing my family does  constantly quote movies or Simpsons episodes, so if there’s an opportunity to quote them, I tell guys to take it.

Love me, love my dog.

2.  “The dog/baby test”:

The dog. The baby. The grandma. The younger brother. The favorite uncle. Everybody has someone in their family that the clan trusts completely. Depending on the structure of your family, it could be different than another’s. My family has a 1 year old baby who is picky about people she attaches to, so if you get on her good side, the rest of the family generally accepts you. You can prepare your Asian boyfriend by telling him things to do to make that happen. If your grandma enjoys card games, tell him he should initiate a round of canasta. If the uncle prefers the Red Sox to the Yankees, remind him to bring a Red Sox hat to the next family barbecue. If the younger brother is sitting alone, ask him to bestow upon the boy some of his “man to man” knowledge. If he can win over that one person, the rest of the family will soon follow suit.

Soon your family won't see him as your "Asian boyfriend"... they'll just see you as a couple.

3. Keep checking back on him:

Your family is awesome. You love them dearly and, even though they have their flaws, you think the world of them. That’s just great, because they think the world of you. However, they have no idea who this new person is and he has no idea who they are. While it will get more relaxed over time, it can be stressful the first time you bring him home. Before consenting to any activity or food, ask him if he is comfortable with it. Maybe he’s just not ready to go on a 4th of July picnic with the extended relatives or maybe he doesn’t want to see what church your parents go to each Sunday. If you push him without asking, he will resent you later on. To avoid any fighting, a simple confirmation from him before agreeing to a gathering. Not only will he thank you for being considerate, your family will see that he wants to go to these things and that will reflect positively on him.

My Asian boyfriend meeting my family has always been a fun yet stressful situation for me. I avoided it for as long as I could because I didn’t know what to do. Over the years, I’ve learned what I’ve done wrong and what I could do better as I went along, but there’s always room for improvement. Until perfection happens, I have to work with the knowledge I have, which has serviced me well. I’m these tips and tricks are enough to help you and your Asian beau charm the entire family.

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