Are Asian Men Ugly? Racist Backlash Over Singer Lorde’s Asian Beau

by Heather · 11 comments


asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweThese days, I haven’t been on Facebook much (as some of you may already know), but there is the occasional post that catches my eye. About a week or so ago, I came across this in my newsfeed. In a nutshell, there’s a new indie pop artist named Lorde who is being ridiculed (along with her boyfriend) by a handful of users on Twitter because they think she called Justin Bieber and One Direction ugly. The focus is not that she called the guys ugly, but that – get ready for this – her boyfriend is Asian and she’s chosen him over a carbon copy of a Western pop idol.

I’ll be perfectly honest – I had no idea who these people were when I first read this article. A little research showed me that Lorde is a singer/song-writer from New Zealand who is most famous for her fairly recent hit single “Royals.” Born in 1996, she’s not only pretty young, but also new to the indie pop scene, as her hit single was also her first. She has everything going for her to make her a major star in the rising indie pop industry.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

This is the offending AMWF couple in question, Lorde and James Lowe. I don't think they look like the evil people Twitter users are making them out to be, do you?

But she’s also dating an Asian guy, and as it turns out that might be giving her a lot of notoriety for a lot of wrong reasons.

Apparently, little is known about James Lowe, Lorde’s 24 year old Asian beau. It is reported that they had been dating before her rise to fame. He speaks about their relationship in video blogs posted by his sister (twitter handle @thedownlowe), and in general they seem like your average couple.

But enough of all that – why am I weighing in on all this?

I could sit here and say all the same things that everyone else has been saying on the matter – that it’s insanely racist to call him ugly based off the fact that he’s Asian. How they are unfortunate victims of cyberbullying due to the uncommon mixture of race and gender. How their racial dynamics seem to be upsetting absolutely every tween on the planet simply because they think Lorde has an atypical idea of attraction and doesn’t think Liam or Justin are total hotties (newsflash – there’s absolutely NO evidence that Lorde actually called Justin Bieber and the members of 1D ugly).

Personally, I don’t find him handsome either. Look, just because he’s Asian doesn’t mean he gets a free sexy pass. While I’m attracted to Asian guys in general, that doesn’t mean that I’m automatically attracted to ALL Asian guys. I’m not going to lie and say I’m defending him because he’s a babe. He’s just not. He’s geeky, he’s dorky, and he’s overall a 5/10 at BEST.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweBut just because he’s not a hunky Adonis doesn’t mean that other people have license to ridicule him based on his race.

I’m mostly defending them because what I’m attracted to is beyond irrelevant to those two. So what if I don’t like her boyfriend? Who cares? Will they lose sleep because some random girl on the internet isn’t thinking positively of them?


I’m also personally defending them because I went down the same path Lorde is now traveling (without the fame, talent, and glory, of course).

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweAs far as your average hit musician these days, Lorde doesn’t seem to fit the bill. She has publicly stated that David Guetta was “gross,” considers teen pop sensations like Justin Bieber and One Direction to be an inaccurate portrayal of what it is to be a young person, and has an overall distaste for today’s pop image. Her atypical viewpoints are a refreshing change, but they’re also bound to make her some enemies among the teeny bopper bandwagon crowd.

She sums up her feelings in a quote from Interview magazine: “Around the middle of last year I started listening to a lot of rap, like Nicki Minaj and Drake, as well as pop singers like Lana Del Rey. They all sing about such opulence, stuff that just didn’t relate to me—or anyone that I knew. I began thinking, ‘How are we listening to this? It’s completely irrelevant.'”

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweSo how does this pertain to me?

Well… Around her age, I was also disillusioned with “my generation’s” standard of what it meant to be a teenager. Growing up in Utah where everyone is predominately a Caucasian member of the LDS church, my life seemed pretty linear in regard to who I would end up with – a good Mormon boy who happened to be White purely by statistics. The girls who were considered popular went to prom with guys who I found absolutely hideous – the skater boys who looked like a Justin Bieber or One Direction prototypes. They all listened to rap, pop punk, or some other pretty generic-sounding stuff that was all too predictable to me.

Long story short, I became incredibly bored by the monotony that surrounded me.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

I still have a crush on Miyavi!

I don’t think the exoticism of all things Asian is what initially appealed to me – rather, it was the way their ideas and influences seemed to match mine. I found a connection with Visual Kei, a genre within Japanese rock, because… well, the guys were hot. UNBELIEVABLY hot. In my humble opinion.

I started listening to various bands like X-Japan, Miyavi, Dir En Grey, etc., and it seemed like a natural fit for me. I finally felt like something had awoken within me, and I started to seek out the world around me instead of rejecting it completely as I had before.

Asian guys, naturally, came hand in hand with Asian music. I began dating them exclusively, as that was simply all I was (and still am) attracted to. To my surprise, I found a lot of similarities between my upbringing and the cultures I was exposed to from each subsequent boyfriend, such as an importance on education and strong family connections. I became happier, now no longer forced to subject myself to a culture I simply didn’t feel a part of. While I will never be Asian (and have never tried nor claimed to be), I feel more at home within the culture that my Asian boyfriend and I create just by being together.

I can’t speak for Lorde, but I wonder if she felt the same way – was she as disillusioned with her surroundings as I was, forcing her to seek an alternative culture to better fit her likes, beliefs, and opinions? Did that mean rejecting the Western mainstream standard of hip, attractive, and cool?


Or is she just going through a phase, as so many people have (and still) accused me of doing? Will she one day come to her senses and dump this “PSY gone wrong” and date a “handsome” One Direction bandmate?

I doubt it.

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james loweLorde and Lowe aren’t models. I still have yet to hear any of Lorde’s music or watch her videos, but I just don’t think she’s going to be featured on any beauty magazines or beautiful people lists (which are also biased, but that’s an article for another day). They don’t subscribe to the celebrity dating cesspool that is plastered all over gossip magazines, nor do they ever intend to.

But they’re HAPPY, damn it!

Isn’t that enough? Aren’t two people, being totally honest with their emotions and affections and not letting media dictate who they date, allowed to be together even though they’re not the accepted standard of what it means to be attractive? Why must they be subjected to ignorant comments based purely off a crazed devotion to an image – an idea – of what it means to be a teenager? And why should said comments even carry any weight? Why should these opinions matter?

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

Lorde and James Lowe look like average people. Why get so hung up over James's race?

Zhuangzi once said something that I feel applies to this situation:

“Lady Li is considered beautiful in the eyes of men, but when the fish saw her, they plunged into the deep. When the birds saw her, they flew away. Which of these knows what is truly beautiful in the world?”

Asian men are not considered attractive in Western pop culture, but that doesn’t mean they, as a collective group, are unattractive. Just because a standard of beauty exists does not mean it is THE definitive and ONLY standard of beauty. Beauty is simply not universal, but our respect for another individual should be. Lowe has done absolutely nothing to deserve the amount of bullying he has received – he and Lorde being attracted to each other is not a crime.

I admire Lorde for standing her ground and staying true to who she is. I have been down this path for almost a decade now, and all I can say is that it gets better. The people that once demanded I entertain their standard of beauty eventually faded out of my reality and no longer dictate what I like. Instead of listening to irrelevant peers, I listen to my heart. My heart told me a long time ago that it rightly belongs with an Asian man. My Asian man is my standard of beauty – he is the bar by which all other men are judged.

If Lorde’s heart says it belongs with Lowe, then he is the most beautiful person in her world…

asian guys and white girls, amwf, racism against asians, lorde, james lowe

…and that’s all that should matter.

But until Western culture grows up and realizes that it’s not okay to pick on Asians because they’re perceived as the “model” minority that won’t fight back, we’ll be raising generation after generation of Asian men who are taught to believe from a young age that they don’t deserve desirable women. We will be raising generations of Asian men who are so downtrodden that the only way they’ll ever get married is by relying on their parents to arrange things with a stranger or investing in a professional dating instructor (something that I highly recommend you check out if you’ve already had to live through the racist vitriol; it’s worth the investment).

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that sounds like a very fun or fair world to be in. That’s why I’m proud every day to be fighting the stereotypes and misinformation that flood our society, and that’s why I encourage you to take a stand. Take a stand and say that it is NOT OKAY to expect Asian men to take a backseat.

And hopefully we’ll one day be rewarded with a world where any Asian man can date any woman – of any race – he desires without a second glance.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

unconventionalthinker January 15, 2014 at 3:38 pm

A wonderful and very intellligently written article and which speaks up against the horrible attitudes of some racists that could not accept that it is perfectly alright for a white girl to go with an asian man. People should be able to date whoever they want and of whatever race without having to be harassed by others that do not agree with who they are dating. Who a girl date is her choice and nobody should have the right to interfere.


Rick Bbwaag January 16, 2014 at 2:35 pm

As an Asian man, I applaud you for staying true to your heart and for standing up for Asian men. All too often Asians keep silent when pushed to a corner when bullied with racial slurs, and blatant and implicit discrimination. Unfortunately, I have fallen prey to the silent Asian stereotype at times. However, I do my best to stand up for myself and for others when I can.

Statistically speaking, Asians are the most bullied group (54%) compared to Blacks at 38%, Hispanics at 34%, and Whites at 31%. This disparity is why it’s so important for Asians and non-Asians to stand up to the bullying against Asians. I think bringing awareness is crucial in fighting against bullying. It may be one small step, but it is a giant leap for humankind.

I recently posted a blog about Lorde and Lowe (, and the need to stand up to the bullying against Asians. There are some tidbits that you can apply if you happen to be in a situation of bullying, and you can read about my experience with blatant racism. Please check it out, feel free to leave a comment, ask questions, share my post, and if I can help you with anything, let me know.



age not race January 30, 2014 at 6:46 pm

Lorde is not particularly good looking. People are talking about this because of the sudden fame. As an Asian myself, I find it hilarious that race is the issue here. Why aren’t people talking about the age difference?! She’s a freaking minor! And he’s 24! And that is sick.


teenagehero0001 February 4, 2014 at 3:03 am

She choose Asian Guy because Asian is Loyal to their bf/gf, husband/wife.
Love is not about sex,


blablablabla March 16, 2014 at 9:22 am

Sensible article. But most of the backlash is from ignorant teeny boppers who were burnt by her view of one direction and other such celebs. She has also been pretty rude towards some celebrities herself (or maybe condescending?), so maybe people retaliated in similar fashion?
Picking on his race or even his appearance surely is underhanded and goes to show ignorance doesnt go away just because someone is privileged or educated. I take solace in the fact that there are also people who call BS to such stupidity. Most mainstream coverage of these few tweets has been very harsh towards these people. So in the end, I do think all is good.


Pimpdaddy March 16, 2014 at 12:50 pm

omg she looks like a 40 yr old meth whore


John May 24, 2014 at 6:36 pm

I wouldn’t care what the racist teenagers think of the couple. But Lorde hugging and holding James from behind as in the picture surely looks nice and lovely.


g g December 13, 2014 at 1:17 am

I grew up religious myself too, there weren’t any asian women around my neighbor hood that’s predominately white…so I never bothered asking. I didn’t think white girls would be interested (they never showed any interest in me even though I’m not bad looking). These days, I’m just too old to ask a 20 something girl out. I wish I was a teenager again. I had more energy back then, now I just feel tired. And I don’t mean physically tired but…just tired of the usual negative stereotypes like the ones you mentioned about the bullying of Lorde’s boyfriend’s ethnicity. I don’t know what his ethnicity (that some people feel threatened by) has anything to do with her, but I guess the asian ethnicity isn’t threatening because there isn’t enough loud voice to fight back or people are just too comfortable with the way things are…making fun of asian is fun. So yeah, I agree with you Heather, I think racial jokes needs to be stopped, they’re such a burden and getting in the way of progress…you’re pretty cute.


Inigo August 20, 2015 at 8:04 am

Miyavi looks more like a girl than a girl looks like a girl.


low jack June 13, 2016 at 1:54 am

I saw this guy. Nice article Heather. Problem I have with all this online bitterness is not only are they being attacked for being a odd couple looks wise but as you say, bc the guy is Asian and we can t have white or any other non Asian girls choosing Asian guys over
other guys bc that does fit in with our white superior Asian inferior view of the world, say these bigoted teens and those who agree with them.

Their sense of self entitlement and disrespect has no limits. Bigots racist it s a sick world they live in. Good to see some people can see through this blinkered bs thinking. Excuse the emphatic language here but that kind of attitude is really off


James Andrew Limcangco Akino December 15, 2016 at 5:12 pm

This is really a great topic, I’m glad more people are representing asian men in a better light, because I’m so tired of the racial stereotyping that has plagued asians for the longest of time; I’m tired of the hate that it’s okay for a white guy to date an asian woman, but the world flips if a white girl dates an asian guy. I stand up for all the asians out there too.


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